My little experiment

Life has been pretty weird actually. My parents seem like trying to hook me up with someone despite I clearly stating I want to be single forever, with no attachment, no settling down. I do not know which part of my word seems unclear. Seriously, it was so not fun and a bit annoying. I don't know if it is because I have made up my mind or the fact that I did not yet move on. 

The other day, my parents went to this open house organized by my dad's family side. It basically involves so many people that we just found out we related. So my dad was eager to go and be match-making over there. And they met this lady who invite them to go to her open house and wanted me to meet up with her son. I wasn't that keen obviously and my first reaction was FUCK. Yes, it came out randomly but I half meant it. 

I am avoiding saying anything related to that night and luckily for me, we did not go. I was relieved. But then it did not stop there. It seems like sometimes when it involves a guy, it feels like and it seems like the sentence shows as if they are trying to be match-making. I had made up my mind that I didn't want to get married and I devoted myself to being single forever. Why cant people just accept and respect that?? Was it so hard or was my word not clear? Please people enlighten me with this.

I did make up my mind but sometimes I do missing to have someone, being in love, falling in love. And the fact that I have finally deleted all the memories. Yep, no more conversations on WhatsApp, no longer the call log, gone were the pictures and phone number. Honestly, I never thought I was able to do it. I mean, how can you just walk away from these 13years of knowing each other? We spent so much time together, joking, sharing, and talking. I did not 100% move on. I miss him whenever I think about him and us. But he is not coming back. He's moved on and I shall do the same even though I might never be with anyone else after him. 

Despite having this kind of mindset, sometimes I do feel scared that I give up on love, and stop believing in love. I know that something inside me was broken after things ended. But I just want to know will this heart of mine is capable of liking someone other than Joe. And what better way of experiment and meet someone online. I mean kinda pro at this. I have been here before. I have few tricks hidden in my sleeves. So why not try it. I got nothing to lose. Besides if I had a change of mind and heart, I can just leave. I know it seems heartless but then I could feel my heart go in that direction if I did not try to do something. One more thing, we never know if that other person is legit or not. I mean if he is indeed a real person, the actual person that the picture belonged to.

Weirdly enough, I met these 2 divorcees in their late 30s. Yeah stable job i would say. One is a pilot and one is an engineer. But then they are too old and too mature. Sometimes it seems they like eager to find a wife to take care of their children. First of all, I am just here to try to feel something with my heart. I may not stay long and I will definitely leave when the purpose has been met. Secondly, I did not see myself being a mother of someone's child. I am not ready to get married and now you expect me to be ready to have a child? I don't think so. Thirdly, who the fuck just blurted you like this person and wanted more. We barely even meet face to face and know each other well. Come on. Are you that desperate? Ughh.. this is definitely a red flag and seems like straight-up bullshit. I am sorry I cannot be involved with this and lead you on when I know that this is not what I want at all. So i ghosted both of them and leave. Plus block and remove them. What a total nightmare. 

And then there is this the third one. I can't believe I say this but he makes me happy. He makes me giggle like I was a schoolgirl. I forgot how it felt since it has been so long. Maybe when I was in my teens or early twenties. I don't remember. But this feeling was so great. I was so excited and eager to talk to him. He was single and we just 2years gap which is just nice. 

It's just an experiment anyway. If we turn out to be more, so be it. But for now, it is just for me to know that I was not that heartless and that my heart is capable of liking someone or even feeling in love. And who knows maybe I am healing now.

First day as a MBA student

I meant to write this sooner but somehow i got caught up with a few things. Pardon me. Even telegram Ecan pun baru buat tdi. She was like so excited to see my room kt rumah sewa ni since i told her. I dh ambik gmbr siap2 dh masa datang hantar barang aritu. tapi tulah ley lak terlupa nk share kt dia. Ayoyoyo... 

Anyway, everything seems okay now and very frustrating and stress a little bit. 1st class aritu dh assign with assignment and presentation dah. I tak sempat nk ambik nafas lagi. Pastu dengan team building or induksi kinda like sesi kenalan antara ahli2 aagbs semua. To be honest, I sangat sangat taknak gi. I was like strongly against it. I seriosuly taknak gi. But my mom like pujuk i, bagi semangat and positive words. So i just gi lah. Dia actually bukan apa. Mula2 tu mmg redha lah kene gi bagai. But then bila tau ada yg tak pegi, tu yg dia mcm rebel tu. If not, i wont be that way i think. 

But Alhamdulilah. The experience was fun and i had a great time doing those activities and sleeping and eating. I ingt pegi tempat biasa2 je like bilik dia mcm dorm ke apa ke. But no it was like hotel. A 3 start hotel sebab takde tv and swimming pool. But it was a hotel and it is own by UiTM itself. Like bapak kaya dorng ni. Bilik dia serious best. Dua katil single, dua meja study, aircond sedap sejuk, sorng dpt dua tuala. Best lah senang ckp. Makan jgn ckp lah. Alhamdulilah my tummy very happy. Mana taknya, baru lepas sarapan pagi ada minum pagi lak. I think i eat like 6 times a day kot. Its free and it is feel like heaven.. Hahahaha...

Ok enough with the induksi, lets smbung psl hal dlm class. So masa 1st day tu, lecturer tu bebel psl apa tah. Student dia lah student tu lah.. Serious i dgn tahan ngatok, dgn lost nyer lagi. Balik dri class tu i really have a doubt. Like boleh ke i bawak course ni? Is it the right thing to do? Or was this a mistake. Npe aku ambik course ni? Npe takde sape halang? 

 I call fiqah kot let everything out and she was awesome sbb try to calm me down and keep on telling me that i can do this. She believe in me. I survive lots of thing and i definitely survive this. And bila masuk class esok dan seterusnya, alhamdulilah, i really do believe i can do it. I can. Insyallah..

Assignment banyak tu jgn ckp lah. Budak master mmg kene teruk mcm ni. Even course marine pun, fiqah ckp awal2 kelas dh dpt assignment and presentation. So i rasa those thing normal lah. Nak2 lak i nyer course ni take only one year and each month one subject. Like sekrng i tgh ambik subject human resource management so by 29/3 i got exam and bulan april nnti dh start another subject. Tpi i takkan straight up tau pointer i. Nnti dorng akan add up every month smpai habis 1 sem. So by bulan 8, i should know my pointer. And lagi satu as a master student, dia ada pressure sket. Sbb everything your score need to be 3 pointer and above untuk lulus, untuk dpt grade B tu at the very least. Pressure giler wei. 

Mmg lah i survive degree dlu wlaupun awal2 tu agak jatuh. Tpi u kene fhm, degree i ada 3 freaking years but master i ada setahun je untuk complete everything. Lagipun sapa je ske extend? And ukm and uitm is such a different thing. I feel like uitm lebih sangat strict drpd ukm. Maybe dia depends on course or lecturer. But serious i tak pernah lagi experience lecturer tegur slide sbb kurng menarik, tak byk corak and colour. Sbb  kalo ukm dorng lebih prefer simple sbb tak nmpk serabut and tendency untuk tidak focus tu kurng. Yelah kot2 ada corak or kartun lawak, sometime kita ley leka tgk bnde tu instead of focusing on what the presenter present kt depan tu. And maybe sbb sekrng ni student master, so every argument or fact you make mestilah dikuatkn dgn some research to support whatever you said.. Fuhh... bapak ahhh... I just hope i survive this and finish it in one year. Amin. Insyallah.

So thats all for me now. Update you later when i had time. Insyallah.

Be happy gaisss...

To accept or not to accept

Well, thats a question... 

Alhamdulilah. I accepted in uitm. But somehow i tak make mind yet. It was either uitm or ukm. It was pretty hard to make this decision sebab nyer A) kt ukm i ada fiqah and some of fellow coursemate and B) i really really rasa nk sambung business course

Nampak tak how dilemma i was...

Bila fikir yg i dh get used dengan ukm nyer environment and it was so much easy dpt kolej kt ukm, makes me wanna stay in marine course in ukm. Or regret sebab tak apply business awal awal dlu. But then i feel like i need a new environment and meeting new people and learning something new, well, i makes me want to change to uitm and take business class... It was a very big decision to be honest.

You know what i think this time around? Joe. Yep, joe. Dlu pun pernah gak terlibat dgn dilemma ni psl nk pilih ukm or usm cuma courses dia tak jauh beza lah. And he was like super supportive and good listener. I know i probably should text him tapi entahlah. This time aroundthings have change and i takley dependable on him and he probably didnt care. Yeah whatever. 

Anyway, fiqah pernah ckp dlu masa teman i gi interview. Kalo Allah bagi kau dpt uitm, maybe tempat kau kt situ. It sadden me to leave fiqah all alone. Tapi tahlah, hati memang berat kt uitm dri dlu lagi cuma maybe tak expect dpat. I mean kalo tak dapat, senang kn nk buat choice? 

Well, things maybe hard for a year or less than that. But i will make it through. We all does right. Insyallah. Beside this is what i want. I remember told joe about this business dream i had masa tak tau nk apply apa waktu degree dlu wlaupun i sgt minat marine and my parents well like any other parents, prefer something cooler and usual. I told him my passion on business and he said that i can always further my study on business or take a 2nd degree or just go with it. Told ya he was great listener and good in giving advice sometime. So, insyallah this following march will be my new beginning. New environment, new people and new learning. 

Wish me luck awak awak...

Internship is overrrr!!!

Alhamdulilah. Finally the day has come for me to take down my title as a work girl bcoz im done with my intership. Hihihihi... Lols... 

Eventhough masa awal2 aritu rasa nervous, rasa mcm tak boleh buat, rasa nk give up, eh mcm2 rasa lah. Same goes with the memories i had while working there. Bittersweet is all im saying. But whatever it is, now that it is done, i kinda miss it the people, the moment, the memories. Wlaupun in the beginning i was desperately nk cepat habis. Now dh habis, rindu lah pulak. Mmg dorng ada offer smbung keje situ if i want it. Siap ckp if i change my mind lagi. Tapi entahlah. Sometime i kurng minat dgn keadaan kerje kt situ. I think the only reason i boleh survived is because i make friends with other interns and i get some dark secret of the company. Hahahaha.. * gelak evil

My SV is the best. Serious wa ckp lu. Dia sempoi je. Ckp ngan dia pun gne kau aku je. Mostly kt situ semua mcm tu sbb umur lebih kurng je. SV i baru 25 thun ok. Semua muda2 lah. Company pun baru nk up. Rmai yg diserap lepas intern lagipun. Masa awal2 tu segan lah gak. Eh nk panggil dia apa ek. Encik ke or gne nama je ke. But then bila dgr intern sebelum ni ckp ngan dia. And dia pun ckp ngan i gne kau aku. So i make used of it. Then lelama dh biasa dh siap ley bergurau2 lagi. 

Paling best bila SV ok je nk buat jamuan raya just for Media Department. Then a week before i habis, siap gi Aquaria lagi sbb kwn dia keje situ n dpt a few discount tiket so kteorng kene tmbh rm10 each drpt nk kene byr rm30 or rm60 something. Siap dpt tudung aidijuma lagi setiap sorng. Hahaha.. Then tak sedap lah kan so kteorng berpakat lah beli kn dia baju H&M and notebook snang nk tulis pape ke. Dia ni kdg2 rembat je mana2 buku. Ish2. And some word motivation to motivate him. Yelah dia dh nk resign dh akhir tahun ni. Dia ckp maybe nk smbung belajar or nk bukak business. So we wish him the best in the future. And actually i was the one who will be replacing him if i accept the job sbb in under department dia lama. Almost 2 months lah gak. Then baru pindah ke QAQC which i ruin my eyes with microscope. It takes quite awhile untuk adjust mata ni dgn microscope. Mostly my SV yg sign/check my weekly report and evaluate my work. Dia sgt generous and baik hati. Markah dia bagi i perghhh... Alhamdulilah. Dpt gak merasa 4flat nk akhir2 ni. Hihihi.. 

And Insyallah will end my studies this 7 Nov. :)

On the day Beta Departmend decided to blackout

Makan makan

After makan makan

Aquaria. Lgi 2 orng dh kene baham dgn shark. We are the only survivor. Hahaha..

Last day with staff and intern. -UKM, UIA, UMK, UUM-

With team QA/QC. Terharu buat farewell wlaupun baru join final week. Thank you.

Pape pun, wlaupun takde pape elauns (huhuhu) but i get lots of knowledge and experience. So thank you. It was all really a bittersweet memories that i am gonna miss it somehow.

Proud of me

Alhamdulilah. Syukur kepada mu Ya Allah... walaupun xdpt 4 flat tapi alhamduliah sbb dpt 3.5 ke atas. Bape? 3.5 ke atas lah.. haha..
Im so happy and proud of myself. Every hard work i been through had been pay off.. now, focus on sem2 pulak. Insyallah. Will do my best and this time nak dpt 4 flat! Insyallah.

What makes everything seems worth it is that i got to make my parents proud of me and happy for me. Tu je.. dah buat aku gembira and sgt2 bersyukur..

This definitely a happy news. Thank you Allah :)

 

And to those yg berjaya, congrats and you earn a pat on the back. And those yg x, remember there always have 2nd chance which is 2nd sem. So, lets do our very best on this one coz we sure hell need it. Just a few step to reach our own star. :)

its over! Alhamdulilah!

Alhamdulilah.. The suffering has come to an end. Suffer ke masalah nya?? Haha.. Suffer lah gak sebernarnya.. Sket!

Anyway, i try my best on this exam and hopefully the lick in on my side. So, goodbye my 9boyfriends.Goodbye school. And i am seriously going to miss you. A lot! Muah3...

So, thanks for the wish... you guys.. i appreciate it...

MAISARAH

JOE

NADH

FARAH

NADIA

IZZ

SYAMIM