That long conversation

I had a very sort of long conversation with joe the other day. About us and everything. The past, the future, the present. All those good thing that should have been settle ages ago.

As usual i start the conversation. I wish him happy new year and the best for all the goals he sets for this year. I mean how should  i know he is the type of person yg ada buat goals or not. Coz im not. Just baru tahun ni i baru nk start buat. Lols. And i told him that i realize hows foolish i am for all the things i said before. Semuanya di sebabkan perasaan marah. Memang kalo marah tu takyah ckp pape. Senyap sudah. I also say that i will hold on to his words or question tu semua. I nk go with the flow. If ada jodoh, adalah. And i mention psl blackpink rockstar tu ye. Ha, kali ni takde sebab dia nk ckp i lupa ke apa. And btw, i n joe like the not so officially tubuhkn band ni ye. This is nothing to do with the korean bank okayy. Our band dh ditubuhkan since 2008 di mana original member dia adalah i, joe, then gf joe yg i lupa nama dia n ashraf. But then both of them broke up with us so tinggal i n joe. Which smpai la ni tak cari member yg baru. So i dont think so it will officially will be form unfortunately. Yeah, that is basically tu je rasanya apa yg i ckp ngan dia. Oh and i mintak tolong carikan tiket bola macam biasa. Hahaha.. Mcm biasa i tak harap dia balas. Kalo tak balas pun takpe. At least i dont need to think or say anything. It save my energy. But then if dia balas, it is up to me kalo nak balas or tak depends on what the content is. 

But then as usually, cliche as it may seems, dia balas cuma lmbt sehari. Time zone kteorng mmg different pun. Later i told you why. He was being nice. Wishing me the same and all.He agrred though about going with the flow. He told me not to think about it that much as i still am young, i got the whole world in front of me. Yelah, i faham. We both still nak achieve whatever our dream is. We both still young and foolish and broke. He also apologize for all the things that happen before. He realize and see of all the things happen but maybe he dont know how to react and what to say. He jokes about the band of us and about him being ulat tiket i. But assure me that he will find it for me if he can. And he also said that he know he was not the 'good guy'...

At first i mula ingt tak nak balas but then that 'good guy' makes me want to reply. I told him that i wont be thinking much about us as i nak focus on my career this year. I go with the flow. I told him i forgave him. We both patut bukak buku baru. Tahun baru, buku baru, permulaan baru. And about the good guy, i cakaplah yg i kenal dia dh 12 tahun bukan 12 saat. I kenal dia dari zaman dia nakal giler sampai lah sekrng dh berubah, elok je i tgk. Serious i ckp banyak giler perubahan dia. Kalo imbau balik masa mula2 kteorng kenal dlu, i mcm tak caya je yg i manage to befriend dia. I mean dia like out of my league as a friend. Even my mom tak approve our friendship at first. So i tak perlu explain lebih. I think you guys get it. And even though we knew each other quite long, i know that i not really knew him too well. But still kalo i manage kawan ngan dia smpai sekrng, mesti ada sebab. And it is not because i had like a big crush on him okayy. I accept him for who he is, every flaws.. i accept.

And i thought i ended there but it didnt. The thing yg buat i suka kat dia is how he give advice and positive vibe. Dari dulu lagi dia selalu nasihat i, give me support. So dia nasihat kn i psl kerje, sruh focus psl kerje, jgn bawak masalah dalam kerje nnti haywire jadinya. The big surprise is that dia dh berhenti kerje. And he is looking for new job. I terkejut gaklah. Sbb i ingt dia still with the old job cuma i tau lah dia mmg tgh cari kerje lain. Lebih kurng mcm i. But i wish him the best in things he do. Okay, part yg i ckp psl timezone tu. Dia mention yg kitadh kenal each other about 13years. Sbb nyer dia kira masa i umur darjah 6. Yg i lak ckp 12 tahun sbb mmg kenal masa form 1 pun. Masa darjah 6 tu ckp kt dalam fon pun memarah memasing. Apa cer. Tapi mcm biasa. I ye kan jelah. We both timezone mmg lain pun.

This is like the very first time we both having a long conversation. Selalunya i msg panjang2, dia bukan respon pun. Hahaha.. Lols. But it was a very good long conversation. I bersyukur and feeling glad we finally sort everything out. I guess we wait and see jelah. If we meant to be, we meet again somehow somewhere. For now we go with the flow.

My Person

This was meant to post on 20th of November but like always, I got lots of things to do and the laziness disease has strike again unfortunately so forgive me for posting it a bit late than it's original date. Ok, without a due, shall we continue...

Macam I pernah mention dulu, I was planning in being invisible masa kt U. I know weird kan.. Patutnya orng lagi nk stand out masa kt U but not me. Tapi mestilah, that plan was kinda not work out. Hahaha.. With my evil laugh, it was kinda hard to stayed low. Anyway, I pun tak sangka akan ada best of friends in U ni. I ingt kwn2 i cukup hanya ada the girls. A small circle of friends seems like fine and trusty. Tapi tulah sejak byk kluar jenjalan dgn cafe hunting lagi, i make quite good close friends. So need to be expand that circle sbb dah tak muat dah. 

And one of that close friend is Puan Afiqah Pisah. Kenape puan? Sbb that whole UPSR commenting in facebook. That is why. Ok. Kenal lama dah sbb coursemate. Then we went to chemistry cafe and morib mana aku bawak kete mcm orng gila, that strike into lubang and masa tukar driver dgn anor tu (you know what i mean). Then penang trip and lots of other trips and numerous cafe hunting. Then maybe my inner self suddenly keluar, the 'evil laugh' like you guys called, so somehow we get so closed. And merempit, makan makan, gi monsterdeal sbb aku teringin nk minum air green tea, buka puasa sesama, lepak lab kau, tgk movie, tgk bola, panaskn pizza gne microwave microb (alhamdulilah masih bernafas lagi), you named it.. Sebab terlalu banyak, i just cant.

Somehow, you are like my christina or my meredith. Sbb you are my person and we kinda had those mer-christina friendship (if you guys are quite a fan of grey's, you get it). Somehow it is easy to talk to you about things. I feel comfortable to talk to you about my past and exes. Aku rasa selain dri the girls, you know the most of my exes. Then psl joe lagi. Terima kasih sbb byk dgr luahan aku yg tak sudah n so ever complicated psl joe. No one know me like you did. And you know mostly about my family sbb kau sleepover rumah aku n like i say it felt easy to talk to you about these things. And i think you the only one yg tau psl that 'emerald' thing (please ckp kau ingt! but do not tell any soul about it). Actually ssh untuk aku tulis semua nyer sebab byk kata kata dh terluah dlm buku nota kau tu. So mostly mcm copy and paste je. Hihihihi...

Then angan2 rumah orang tua. Hahaha.. Let me explain it to you guys. Kalo dgr rumah orang tua mesti korng fikir rumah orang tua lah. Hahaha.. Nk fikir apa lagi kan. Tapi for our rumah orang tua, it was not typical rumah orng tua. Sbb kteorng kira andartu lah tpi andartu classy lah. Sbb mostly bila duit dh cukup, kteorng akan gi travel or cafe hunting. Aku suggest kte buat tabung khas untuk bende tu semua nnti. Basically our rumah orang tua didiami oleh aku, fiqah n dila. Originally lah tapi who knows member dia berubah or bertambah. Sbb for now we decided to never get married. EVER. Tu pun if tak ketemu jodoh ler. Dila siap usha2 idea untuk rumah tu lagi and I, well, lately, tgk perabot and idea interior design makes me calm somehow. Ok, enough with that. So, that was our plan. Originally.

Pastu bile kau baik sgt nk teman aku isi application for master then teman aku cari kerje. Jujur aku ckp, aku terharu gile. Speechless gile. Bcoz no one ever does that to me and you willing to so thank you. Wlaupun aku mmg nampak mcm independent, tak selalu mintak tolong kau wlaupun i really should actually.. I mean kau dh offer kan.. Hahaha.. The thing is, aku takut nk depend on people. Aku takut aku terlalu depend dgn orng pastu lelama things change and they leave.. Aku kalo boleh tak nak bnde jadi mcm dgn joe dlu. Wlaupun tak mungkin lah aku nk ske kau romatically. Gile apa. Nabi tak mengaku umat tau. Unless if i was a boy. Tu lain lah. Hahaha..And aku tau kekadang aku bersifat distant and senyap. And most of those time, aku tak cerite apa sgt. The thing is im good in pushing people away and i am not good in making or stayed in friends. Aku kan introvert. Hahaha.. Then masa birthday aku, kau jadi mastermind. Terharu giler beb. And im sorry aku tak jadi buat bday kau happening mcm kau buat kt aku. Mungkin perlu menuntut ilmu lebih dri kau ni. Hahaha.. But who knows in future nnti kan.. on your bday.. HAHAHAHA *gelak evil

Anyway peah, i meant it when i said you are my person. Sbb if i ever get married, aku nak kau tanya aku sama ada aku sure or tak dgn wedding ni semua. Especially tnye a day or a few hours before aku nikah. And if aku ckp aku tak nak, please bawak aku lari ke mana mana sahaja. Promise me that fiqah.




And secondly why you are my person, well, seriously if i kill someone, you were the first person yg aku akan call to hide the body and be the CSI. You officially in my emergency contact. No kidding. You are my perosn and i would do anything for you. And if you anything, i will be here, listen and support wlaupun kekadang aku ni mcm lalang sket. Hahaha.. But i will support you no matter what.




Aku bersyukur dpt kawan mcm kau dan aku harap friendship kita ni kekal smpai bile bile. Smpai kau dan kahwin or smpai aku ketemu jodoh or kita kn dh plan nk dduk rumah orng tua sesama. Please simpan bracelet yg kita bwat sesama tu elok2. You didnt always have to wear, just keep it somewhere self and dont lost it. Hihihi.. You are my person, sahabat dunia akhirat. Thanks for everthing and maaf ayat2 kt post ni tak seindah mana. Hahaha.. Happy belated birthday fiqah. Sorry if i took our friendship for granted. Sorry ada sakitkn hati kau dgn gurau kasar aku and ayat tak sesedap waffle aku. But thanks for being my friend. Aku doakan kau dapat capai impian dan cita2 kau. Semoga Allah permudahkan segala urusan kau. Please stayed happening and gile2 sista rehat. Be happy sunshine and may your 'joy' functioning well always. :)

Gigih mencari gmbr kau yg lawak and this one has vespa

Semoga ketemu lagi di masa hadapan 'pisang goreng cheese'. Insyallah.