a fictional character

I am the book type of girl. I tried to read this e-book but it did not give the satisfaction like a physical book. I love the smell of this new/old book and how my finger turns the page forward or backward. The e-book was lack of smell and touch. You just touch the screen and scroll. I mean I could do that each time I was scrolling Twitter or Instagram. But then each people has a different way. Maybe some likes to read the e-book but write a diary. And some like physical books but write a blog. 

Since I bought a lot of books back then. I need to like slowly finish it and buy a new one. HAHAHA... I just can't you know. I just love to go to the book store and then I end up buying anyway. even if it's just one or two books. But if I go to the big bad wolf, then I would let myself buy at least 10 books. So I try to at least finish 5 books in a year. Sometimes it is less but sometimes it is more a bit. But I think this one particular book was by far the quickest. I just can't stop myself from reading it but I tried to. I mean, I don't want to finish it this early though. The book is so good. Sometimes I just go back to certain pages and just read them again even though my pages were way far from that. 

This book is really something. I had this Malay book that I love to reread every year but I think somehow I stop already. And now I found it in an English book. So now I have 2 favorites book. 

If you think this post was just about books, you were wrong... 

The book I read now, well, the story was not similar to my story, the character also was not similar to him and i. But one scene, in particular, reminds me of what he is saying. I know in this book, it just saying it is just a kiss... and somehow it took me to the day where he ask me to marry him and we have a very long conversation after that and after that. But then one day, out of blue, he ask me to forget about it as if it was just a word, a meaningless sentence. I know, I should have reacted more and walked away. But I took it even when it tore me apart and it slash my heart a bit. But I think maybe this just wasn't the right time. Maybe he got lots of things going on. Maybe it will be okay later. I mean, he's still here right?

Because of this part, I started to go back and reminisce about the past. I started to read the old post I wrote for him. I started to find a good sad song. Manage to find a couple that I have added to the playlist I made for him. I started to watch all the death scenes in Grey's just so that I can cry. I am started to do all the things I used to do when it hurts and when I missed him.

Also, I feel like I am delaying the post that I dedicated to him. I know I have written it a couple times before but I kept taking it down. Now, my conscious mind has reminded me that I need to write and post it. It was the final step to really move on and let it go. I did with Ashraf before. So I should do the same with Joe. It was closure for this. But I kept procrastinating on it. All because it felt really over once the post is up. Like I am finally ready to end the book of Joe and Nadira. And it scares the crap of me. I know I have to do it. And I know I am ready and I am getting better. But.. it just felt like the second I get over him then it really is over. And a part of me felt like I just sabotaging all this. I kept sabotaging this anyway.

Remember when I said I hear the All To Well 10-minute version in my last post? I know the reason I did this. Why I did not want to acknowledge the good feeling. Well, other than my heart was not that fully healing. It's just that I kept playing the saddest song when I feel like he is slipping from my mind. So I listen to it just to feel it again, the feeling of longing. So I kept holding on to it. Even though I know deep down I am almost healing and I feel better. He is no longer lingering in my mind so much. Of course, most of the things I did will definitely remind me of us. But it wasn't hurt like before. I know now why it needs to end, why it ends the way it ends. I love talking to him and I kinda miss talking to him. He was my best friend first. But it is what it is. I redha.

I would write that piece of him and then post it. Stay tuned.

Superfox

What does the fox say?? Dingdingdingdingding *dancing
Nope.. the title has nothing to do with that song. Believe me.. i just love that part, thats why i wrote it.. haha..

Anyway, i came across to this book. Ceh.. nk buat review lak.. Haha.. The thing is i tertarik ngan cover dia actually and the title since i was so broken. I didnt really read it synopsis. I just gab it and bought it without thinking. And when i try to read on the 1st page, i was like.. whoa.. what is this thing. I close it and read the front page. It say a guide book. OMG! I just bought myself a self-realization book. But it was worthy. It was really really worthy.. When i finish read it, i was like.. whoa.. i should buy this book long long ago, at that time when i broke up with ashraf.

its called a breakup because its broken

'Its break up because its broken'. Who would thought about it? I know im not. Coz if i do. I wouldnt wasting my time waiting and hoping for ashraf to come back. And jump in when ashraf ask for a 2nd chances. Right? And it is true. It is break up because it is broken. Thats why when thing were mess between me and joe, i just left. I would have hold on and not giving up. But i didnt. And it is not that i give up. It just that i grew tired and he seem didnt care. Why would i stay? And right now im on my 60days of not texting nor calling joe. I always give myself a year. But lets try what the book say shall we. I can do this. I do a year before.. surely i could do for 60days kn..

But honestly it was hard. it was damn hard. You see.. i could give myself a year to forget about ashraf bcoz i got a reason to hate him. He broke my hear, my trust. He cheating on me and gave me a lamest excuses ever. But joe? I got no reason to hate him. Yeah, he's change. And thats all i got. I couldnt blame him for changing. Change is a part of our life. It will continue until we surely comfortable with ourself. I know im changing. Coz if im not. I wouldnt try to find myself. I wouldnt wanted to try new things. See.. it was hard.. but i will make it through it.

One of the topic in this book is to have a breakup buddy. And mine was farah. Yeah..  u girl.. u always there for me during my heart broken with ashraf. And you there again when im falling into pieces. Thanks farah for always have a time for me and be patient with my story. And joe, u were there for me too when ashraf dump me. Thank you. U both are a really really great friend. :)

And another one is dont sit around and do nothing. Yeah, its not like you go and win him/her back, find a way to impress him/her or stalk them. It was finding urself. Try new things. Change. And meet new people. Ive done it all.. I joined choir and some other club that even i didnt remember it. But i enjoy. Coz if i didnt, i would have leave. I did okay on one of this group i join. I didnt feel the chemistry. I mean i xske orng paksa i. You know thats who i am right. I dri dlu mmg xske orng paksa2. And i strongly believe that we should do thing we love.

Okay.. where was i.. oh yeah.. change. see.. change.. just change urself to a better person. change ur personality. be this happy awesome person that people want to hangout with. change ur appearance. and just be comfortable with who you are.. those mean comment about you should put in the dumpster with any other shit. seriously. whats up with people lately? i mean yeah they told us to be ourself then they judge us. ive being judge a lot. that is why this face is very good in faking. seriously. my mom even say i was better in make pokerface. cant deny that anymore..

go on.. yeah.. meeting new people. the thing is. as we study kt tmpt jauh or a be at new place, we will meet some new people.. it was good sbb kita dpt tmbh kwn2.. bestfriend is the other story.. i met lot of new people.. my classmates.. and guys.. haha.. i think i should let myself open. there was one time i was down and im thinking about joe. it was stupid actually. and all i wanna do was being alone.. but then it got to my thought, i should open up my arms wide open. i should let people come into my life. not that open. but give some other people chance to know you. who would thought they will think you awesome and you thought the same thing about them. yeah.. it was a really nice friendship story..

my classmates were awesome and gila2. i rasa perut i ley pecah and i seriously dont even need botox for my face. coz i cant stop laughing.. they always have a good joke. and im comfortable around them. i do. then there were faris, my friend from chinese class. He was 2nd year actually. But he was such a sweetheart and nice. He drove me back to my college everytime we had chinese class. Thats so nice of him. And i love talking to him sbb dia ske bercerita and mendengar. dh nmpk dah ciri2 kat situ. haha.. nolah.. me and him, we just friends. beside i was looking a new guy bestfriend. and then there was azmil. he study at unikl bangi, xjauh pun dri i. i knew him form myspace. opps.. it feels like how i meet ashraf all over again.. haha.. nope. this time i make it right. we just friend for sure. he was okay. i comfortable gaklah borak2 ngan dia.. but how could lie. somehow i miss joe.. the conversation, the jokes, the picking fight. nevermind i found someone like you joe. but this is life. i should move on. its just that.. people come and people go and people gonna come some more but i never thought you would left..........


So, u guys mesti wondering.. npe superfox? sbb dlm buku tu to be a great women dia pnggil superfox. tu istilah dia.. if i wrote the book.. i would be calling amazing girl.. i mean.. what does the fox say??

Dingdingdingdindg... haha.. i just love it doing that...

Anyway, i think for those yg just broke up with someone, should buy this book. It got lots of tips and a real story that far more worst than urs. Seriously, u thought u had the worst life ever. wait until u read about other.. u will feel grateful a bit. trust me.. so, go and be that superfox.. :)

Book Lovers

Assalamualaikum.. Alhamdulilah.. tahun nie dapat jejeak kaki ke Big Bad Wolf.. Ingtkan xdpt lah peluang merasainya.. ceh, ayat xley blah.. hehe.. yelah, esok last day kot. i betul2 pegi hari2 penghujungnya.. buku mmg xbyk lah.. huhu..

Nope! Buku byk gila! and im so mata rambang tahap tgk kasut yg comel2... haa.. rasa mcm xpuasje kot.. nk gi lagi.. and i spent lots of momey on books.. tapi xpe. worth it.. slalu nya puluh2 ringgit but nie just rm8 mostly. rezeki yg ada jgn ditolak... alhamdulilah..

Masa mula2 smpai tu ingt mcm dah xde je buku yg i nak. so, i jalann2.. smpai lah session yg ada buku2 romance.. wow! awesome! byk yg best. so, i grab and grab mcm kepit lobster gitu.. dah abis cuci mata, time to edit.. and dlm byk2 tu, 2 buku je i buang.. haha... xley blah.. sebaik daddy xckp pape.. well, im a book lovers, nk buat mcm mna. I love books xspecially love story.. it gives me hope to meet my one and have a wonderful bittersweet love life of my own. :) so, what can i say...

rmai orng and buku byk lagi! happy me :D

those book that i bought :)