This feeling

I had this kinda like a weird feeling/vision these past few days. I tak tau lah is it because i was kinda in depressed mode and the fact that i kinda untie most of connection i had with my closed ones. I like literally boleh go on silent phone i for quite a few days actually. And if let say ada a few miscall or text or whatsapp, i ignore most of it. I didnt return the call back and even text saying sorry for not pick up the call. Whatsapp and message pun memilih. Ada yg i ignore terus and ada yg i balas tapi lambat giler lah. Could take a few days. I tak tau lah nape sgt i mcm ni. Nak kata malas ye gak. But i just... entahlah... 

I ignore my person. Wlaupun technically dia buat group untuk plan yanie nyer wedding. So technically they are bunch of people dalam group tu yg boleh respond. I only respond when needed. Bukan i busy ke malas ke. It just i dont feel like i wanna say anything at all unless when needed like voting and paying. And i tau maybe fiqah kinda frustrated ngan perangai i ni mcm tak supporting and tak membantu langsung. Put in mind to apologize to her later. But i did respond well aritu sbb mood i kinda okay time tu. So lucky her. In fact lucky to those yg i respond right on time and answering the call even though i didnt save your number. Hahaha.. lols. 

Alright, the next weird feeling is that.. hurm.. it involve joe. I slalu like excited giler dapat text dari joe. Too much?? Okay.. excited giler tu nmpk mcm exhilarating sket. But i was happy. I smile. But this one i didnt. I mean i smile but i dont know if im happy or glad or whatever. I read pastu i biarkan. Malam sket kot baru i balas. Tapi ayat i simple and pastu i terus lupa psl bnde alah ni. Baru ni teringt balik. Then even dia sent i video dia gi cuti kt phuket tu, i just tgk sekali je. SEKALI JE?! This is like so not nasuha nadira. SERIOUSLY! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME????!!!!

Moving on to that weird feeling/vision... with all these messed up feeling, i start to question myself was my feeling towards joe change??? Pastu i like berangan if orng tnye i what if all this time i tunggu joe tapi at the end joe pilih orang lain... wanna know my answer??? hahaha

well, honestly of course i akan broken hearted giler hati hancur berkecai bersepai sepai patah seribu. then background music patah seribu akan dimainkan.. follow by someone like you.. and last but not least only love can hurt like this. but then lagu these days akan dimainkan untuk menunjukkan yg i nak move on and redha with everything... im happy for joe.. im happy he met someone that can make him happy and give things that i didnt give to him.. i am really happy even though im not the reason behind it and that it sucks for me.. lols.. but really.. what worries me is that what if one day he realize i was the one and he finally want to settle down with me but i just dont feel the same.. how can i respond to that and broke his heart when his happiness is my third important things in my life.. i mean i know deep down inside of me i still do love him.. it just im not sure if it is still the same reason and growing some more.. 

 

But whatever i is.. i just hope that this is weird things will only be temporary. And that when all this mood is over, i be head over heals on joe and anything that i used to love. But if let say it decide to stay.. i just hope that no matter what happen.. feeling i kat joe takkan hilang.. it will always remain there.. maybe not growing.. but still alive and the same..