Unmoved

Its funny how those feeling makes you feel like it was the first time even though you have felt it so many time, you have been through this before. 

You've been madly in love with a person before and things end somehow. And then you met another person and you fall madly in love with them. And you started to say to yourself that is this what falling in love feels like. Okay maybe between those two person, they gave you different kind of sparks and vibe. But still, you fall in love and you falling apart. 

It same goes with break up. You've been hurt before. You remember crying so hard on the day that person left. You remember falling apart in the middle of night, reminiscing those memories, looking back into those sign of trouble. But then one day you wake up being a new person again, you move on. You missed that person but it was not the same. You accept that things happen for a reason. 

And now, you've gone through the same heartbreak but with a different kind of person. You cry , you falling apart, you having a flashback, you trying to make sense of things that happen. And you question yourself, how did you move on before, will you ever move on. And same like above, maybe those two different people give a different rush and adrenaline.

He was not my first love. He was not the person that mean so much to me before. But when he left, he leave a huge hole inside of me. A hole that i could not fit with anything. A hole that i fill with the things he likes. I kept remind myself i deserve better but my heart long for him. I tried to get myself up and get through each day. But when the night came in, i miss him more and i looked back to the memories of him and i. How did i move on before? How did i get through this before?

For awhile, i could feel myself disappear. I could feel that i am not the person i used to be. I remember being happy but i do not know who she was anymore. I felt so lost. I felt that everything and everyone is moving fast while i am still standing here, unmoved. Honesty, will i survive this?