I am not weak

I keep on changing my mind. I could go from i stay here forever waiting for you to i deserve better baby im fabulous so goodbye. This has go on forever and ever. Depends on his action actually. Sebab aritu i whatsapp dia tak balas tapi whatsapp story ley lak upload. Seriously what the fuck man? Then i text him jokingly and he replied wlaupun tak borak lama tapi janji ayat dia buat i tersenyum sorng. So you guys could guess that i have change my mind again. Sadly true.

So i rasa rather nk planning and hoping. I should just let it flow and see where it goes. If it meant to be, it will be so i should just let it be.

I am not weak. I know i deserve better somewhere deep inside of me. But sometime we just took whatever love we thought was meant for us. Maybe joe is my second prize just like i was to his. Maybe we both are second prizer. And yeah i admit, i malas nak cari. I believe that if it meant to be, we find our way somehow. So who knows tetbe kan i jumpa jodoh i through grab or just one of the co worker. Bcoz honestly we do not know how our lives turn out to be in the future. Love might come in our lives in unexpected way, surprising us in some way. 

But believe me when i said this, after i reach my 30s, all of these will be just some idea i made when i was in my 20s. Bcoz after 30s i am done about marriage and love. Ye maybe tetbe jodoh mula hadir dan ketuk pintu hati i. But that was some kind of story. But really bila i reach 30s, i dah tak nak dah cari ke usaha ke cuba ke. No, i am so done. Like ada, adalah. If takde takpe. Bcoz when we, us women reach our 30s, we are somehow independent on our own, probably own a house and a car, spending money to our mom and dad, a stable job and a happy content life. I know once in awhile kita akan rasa lonely. Takpe beb, go and adopt kids or cats. And since i tak suka budak so cats will be my only solution. But i be fine on my own. travel and make memories.

That was just another dream after the 30s.

And for the 20s.

Well, i still am stand here, waiting for joe or someone who can fulfill my hopes and dreams. I go with the flow and see where this will go. Is it gonna be forever or is it gonna down in flames. But honestly, these day i took really slow and took my time, i realize that maybe hati i memang dah tawar skit lah dengan perangai joe ni. And somehow i was hoping and pray that it wont work out at the end, that he did something so terrible that im gonna shut him off for good this time and forever i hope.