I am done

I ingat lah kan lepas along nyer wedding, no one would ever bring that question ever again. But i was wrong obviously. Memamg tak lah kan dorng nk stop tanya bnde alah tu. It will never stop and will follow me for the rest of my life... or maybe sampai.. i dont know.. i kahwin??

Hahahahaha... i kahwin? Well, maybe dulu i boleh imagine that thing. Masa i dengan ashraf a few years back. Or masa i like so deeply enchanted with joe a few years back. But now, right now. I dont think so. I dont imagine that anymore walaupun ye i ada lah bayang or berangan or talk about it especially masa joe bring that up. But i dont know. He doesnt seem that serious and i see zero effort from him so far. So it was easy to say that i crush that dream so that it wont break me if somehow it didnt came true somewhere in the future. Beside people like me are destined to be alone and do not have an happy ending.

And it is okay. I sedar diri. So instead of probably put myself out there and searching for love or guy. And instead of waiting for joe to come to his sense and come around. I decide that i was better off alone and happily enjoy myself. I decide that instead of focusing on people and things, i should focus on me, i should have love me. I tau ia nampak mcm pathetic gilerr. But no worries. It is ok. This is the life that i choose and i just need to bear for it. 

Once upon a time, i admit that i believe in love and have faith that there will be someone for me someday. But after been broken for quite a few times, i stop believe it and somehow i admit i lose faith. The thought of having someone just a delusion that we put in our minds because we are so into the 'they lived happily ever after' phrase. And somehow i am just so freaking tired of loving more, caring more and trying more. With joe, that is what i have been doing for the past few years. It was so exhausting. I never put too much effort in keeping a relationship this long. Then, when it ends, it took me a very long time to rebuild myself and to move on and be happy again.

And for that, i am done. Thats all i could said. 

For that questions, it is irritating for sure but then i have to just fake a smile and acted as if it was nothing. After all it just a question je kan. Takkan i nk tanya dorng bila dorng nk meninggal pulak kan? Ajal and pertemuan kan semua di tangan Allah. And i leave soal jodoh ni semua pada Dia. Kalo ada, adalah. Kalo takde, i gi travel around the world kumpul memory and experience. Lols.