The winner takes it all

I feel like the universe is punish me for something. Because somehow the universe just smack me down whenever i am ready to move on, somehow the universe was like, 'no girl, it is not your time to move on'. Everytime. I do meant it everytime. 

I sent that text to joe yesterday and i block him afterwards. Just like i plan. I did what i said. And i feel fine. Like kalo dia balas pun, confirm ahh i tak dapat kn. So i just whatever. Im move on. I even said im ready to move on on my post yesterday. I was ready to move on and let go.

I was fine until i received a call last night. At first i didnt pick up because that number was so familiar. I felt like it was him. So lepas he hang up. I re check the number. Seems similar tpi ada few numbers in it yg different. The i text fiqah asking her if she called me using someone else phone. And she said she didnt. Then the number came up again. So second time must be urgent kan. Sbb eager sgt call kali kedua. Masa tu i fkir maybe one of my classmate call i sbb nk tnye bila i balik kl maybe sbb  nk tumpang ke apa ke. So i just pick up. Masa tu mg tak fkir it was joe. Yelah dlu pun masa dia call i and i tak angkat. Sekali tu je dia call. Takde pun try again. So maybe it wasnt him.

But it was him.. I bila dgr suara lelaki je, i was like, ok bukan classmate i sbb classmate i semua pompuan. Then the name. Satu satu nyer makhluk yg boleh ter silap nama i, change it from Nasuha Nadira to Nadira Nasuha, hanya joe. He is the only guy who always seems like messed up with name. Because he called me Nadira instead of Nasuha like any of my other friend. So i assume dia mesti ingt nadira tu first name. But for him to remember my name was quite impressive sebabnya i takde facebook and i block him on twitter and unfriend him in instagram. And the only social media yg dia slalu bukak pun facebook. So kau rasa??? 

We talked a lot last night. And i didnt realize how fast the time is, or how long we talked. To be honest i rasa mcm i borak ngan dia like half and hour je. But actually. Almost 2 hour gaklah sbb i miss watching JDT lawan Penang semlam. I literally tak tgk pun bola semlam. He called me on the minute JDT got their first goal. And i ingt baru half time bila i habis ckp ngan joe. Tpi bila i masuk bilik my parents tok tgk bola. Dh habis dh pun. Dorng tgh ckp2 and review and temu bual. I mean what the heck. Bapak lama i borak. Patut lah my mom cari i. 

And when my mom asked who was calling me and i told her that it was joe. My mom was like so happy. Like her face nampak giler happy. And i was like im the one who should be happy. Im the one who had those emotion yg my mom tunjuk. But i didnt. I dont know what i feel actually. I feel numb. Or maybe i was happy but too ego to even showed it. I dont know. I really dont. And bila i cite kt fiqah. She seems happy and tak habis2 kene kn i. Seriously i should have those emotion that both of them had. But i didnt. At that time i rasa mcm nk gi somewhere and jerit. I feel like i wanna scream. I wanna have a very good scream. But now all i feel was i wanna cry. I rasa mcm i nk tgk all those death scene in greys anatomy and have a good cry. 

I was mad at him. I really was. And i didnt expect him to call me. Dahlah gne number lain. Sbb number dia yg tu i dh block. But still, i didnt expect it. Masa berckp semlm pun,i was like so cold, so sarcastic and i say whatever i wanna said. Especially part dia lupe bday i and lpe nk call i when he said he would and how he didnt even said anything, not even a sorry after that day he was suppose to call me. I was mad. I was furious. And somehow he prepared himself. He knows that i was mad at him. He was so patience on me.

He shouldnt call me. He should leave. Why did he came back. Why cant he just reply text tu and thats it. Or why he call me again lepas i tak angkat. He should call me once. He shouldnt come back. The worst part of it all was i feel like i talked to a different person. I feel like i talked to the old him. And i hate it. I hate it because everything came rushing back. Everything that i want to erase. Everything that i want to forget. He started talked about how long we knew each other and the things we used to do. And now he was like trying to fix thing between us. He want to act he care about me, about us. Why joe? Why now? Why cant you just leave. Just leave. Just let me go and move on. Because im done and i lose all my hope and faith on you. I do.

I dont wanna talk about things we gone through. Though it hurting me but now it is history. I done all i can and i know you too. But now nothing more to say and nothing more we can do. We were once so happy and i thought you were the one. So i attach myself to you. But i was a fool to let my guards down for you. Somewhere deep inside, you must know that i miss you. But what can i say, we just not meant to be. I dont wanna talk because it make me feel sad. I understand that maybe this is the last time. I apologize if it makes you feel bad seeing me so tense and furious. But you take everything and i have nothing to gave you anymore. Im done.. The winner do takes it all.