Can i not wanting to make friends??

I realize that i have a problem of making friend. I tau i ckp i nk meet new people lah, making new friend lah sbb tu i choose uitm. But when im here, i just tak rasa nk make friend. Like having a small talk tu boleh lah. Tapi nk lebih2 tu taklah. I try to tell myself that this just for a while sebab baru lagi. Baru sebulan je kot. But then it really doesnt feel like reason dia sbb still baru. It was more to rebellious. Like hati i, diri i mmg taknak make friend. Like part of menentang dgn keras, habis habisan tak nak make friend. I know bad habit kan. Tah pape kn. But thats the true.

Aritu program rumah anak yatim tu pun i tak ambik port sgt. Like dorng ada buat meet up ke apa ke mesti i balik rumah ke or i just like too very lazy to attend. Kalo ikut kn, on the day itself pun i tak nak dtg tapi semua sbb markah, that damn 10% marks that gonna affect my pointer somehow. 😑 

Dlu masa kt matriks i facing the same thing cuma perasaan rebellious tu tak kuat mana lah. And i still make good friends with few of my fellow classmates, and the Amy dri kelas lain, dila my roomate, syihan my schoolmate. And bila kteorng kene buat teater to fulfill kokorikulum requirement, suddenly we all become close. Like really close and rasa lah bonding dia, team work dia. Then lepas habis teater tu, we still can lepak with each other, naik basikal, ambik gmbr. Tapi tahlah yg baru ni, maybe, just maybe after a few months things will be okay kot?? Right???

 

 

Ala, dlu masa degree pun, ingt tak i pernah mention i nak sgt men invisible kan diri then tetbe masuk sem 2 or 3 dh dikenali dh oleh classmate yg lain. I mean how can i hide my evil laugh kan? 😁 Then lepas tu ley lepak sesama, makan sesama. Thats when i become so close with fiqah smpai dia sekrng my person, my best friend. And now entahlah. Maybe tak jumpa bff baru but at least i make a few friend? Sekrng ni lah yg mcm i ok je adalah sara of course. I rasa mcm i dh meng attach kn diri i kt dia. Everything i nk dia involve name it group project and latest research project. Oh yeah kteorng nyer research project kene buat in group 2-3 instead of individual macam zaman degree dlu. Then i make a good friend with aina and ecah. Tu pun sbb dorng tegur i dlu. If not, i dont think so. But yeah, maybe just give a few month. Everything should be okay. Insyallah. 

Im not the only one having this problem. Turn out fiqah having the same problem too. Dia rasa malas giler nk buat kwan time master ni. But they all like so friendly, byk tegur and borak2 dgn dia so dia layan jelah. And dia takdelah ssh sgt mcm i.. Sbb dia ada familiar faces like dila, zuha, mira, dayah, nad and fai. While i... im basically alone and loner. Yelah, i tak kenal sape2 kot kat situ. It was new place, new course, new environment. Semua new. So imagine that...

So yeah, give it a few months. Lelama okay kot. Lelama tak de lah rasa awkward ke apa ke.. hopefully..