A long time ago, i promise myself that i wont feel what i feel when i was with ashraf. I promise i wont be that person anymore. But little did i know, i was becoming that person again. Funny how we always said we wont be that person but we end up be anyway.
An old friend of mine dlu pernah tegur yg i dah lain sekrng. And i tnye lah, berubah ke arah baik ke buruk. Dan dia ckp tak tau. Yg pasti dlu i rock sket. I tak kisah apa orng ckp. I ikut rules i sendiri. Tpi sekrng ni.. hmm.. mungkin dh ke arah muslimah kot. I gelak je. Yelah, dia ckp i berubah ke arah muslimah. Lawak hambar ok. I dont think so i berubah ke arah tu. Yg i tau sekrng ni.. i tak tau apa yg i rasa.. I feel numb.
Tapi lepas fkir apa yg dia ckp tu, betulah. I mmg dh berubah pun. I tak macam dlu. I dh tak buat bnde yg i selalu buat lagi dh. Dlu i ske buat lyrics or poem. I parodi kn lagu dgn lirik2 i based on apa yg i rasa. But now i dh tak buat lagi dh. I even dont know where to begin. Dlu i tak kisah pun apa orng ckp. Tpi sekrng i kisah wlaupun kalo tgk dri segi luaran mcm i tak kisah je but deep down inside, i care. Dlu i tau bila masa untuk angkat kaki and blah. But now i stay and hold on and maybe hope for some stupid miracle to happen. Dlu i sentiasa biar someone text i dlu unless if i need to ask anything then baru i text. Now, im the one to start and im the one who get hurt at the end when being ignore. Dlu ego i tinggi tpi still lah ada masa i reti gaklah rendah2 kn. But now, dia sgt2 rendah like rasa nya dh nk smpai 0 darjah or maybe negatif.
I always held my head high. Wlaupun i jenis pompuan yg always rasa diri dia right tpi ada masa i ngaku gak lah i salah. But now, i always put the blame on me and i feel like i had the wrong answer all the time. And i let people hurt me over and over again until i feel like im getting use of the pain, the pretending, the faking and somehow it eating me alive like a parasite.Baru sekrng i tau npe i gelak laen, just the way i act is different than before. Serious dlu mana ada i gelak mcm tu. Gelak i normal je. Even my evil laugh was not that evil, it was more to pretending evil laugh. I guess, most of the time i ketawa sbb nk lupa kan rasa luka dan kecewa yg ada dalam diri ni. And beside, laugh make me forget the pain or the problem i had that time. The evil laugh just an act to cover up all the bruise. Lgi ganas i ketawa meaning that the pain is deeper or korng nyer joke mmg lawak gila babeng. Either way. But mostly it just an act.
Enough is enough. I penat dh chasing people, fighting for people di mana at the end i yg kecewa, i yg sakit hati. I penat hold on. I penat tipu diri i yg everything going to be okay. I penat tunggu sesuatu yg belum pasti. I penat rasa sedih, rasa kecewa, rasa marah. And how now i ingt i ada special bonding ngan someone sbb tu selama ni i pertahankan. But sadly, i je yg rasa mcm tu. I je penat tunggu, penat fighting. I rasa dh tiba masa untuk i lepaskan segalanya yg tarik i ke bwah. Its time for me to let go, to move on, to be really really happy and to find myself back.
An old friend of mine dlu pernah tegur yg i dah lain sekrng. And i tnye lah, berubah ke arah baik ke buruk. Dan dia ckp tak tau. Yg pasti dlu i rock sket. I tak kisah apa orng ckp. I ikut rules i sendiri. Tpi sekrng ni.. hmm.. mungkin dh ke arah muslimah kot. I gelak je. Yelah, dia ckp i berubah ke arah muslimah. Lawak hambar ok. I dont think so i berubah ke arah tu. Yg i tau sekrng ni.. i tak tau apa yg i rasa.. I feel numb.
Tapi lepas fkir apa yg dia ckp tu, betulah. I mmg dh berubah pun. I tak macam dlu. I dh tak buat bnde yg i selalu buat lagi dh. Dlu i ske buat lyrics or poem. I parodi kn lagu dgn lirik2 i based on apa yg i rasa. But now i dh tak buat lagi dh. I even dont know where to begin. Dlu i tak kisah pun apa orng ckp. Tpi sekrng i kisah wlaupun kalo tgk dri segi luaran mcm i tak kisah je but deep down inside, i care. Dlu i tau bila masa untuk angkat kaki and blah. But now i stay and hold on and maybe hope for some stupid miracle to happen. Dlu i sentiasa biar someone text i dlu unless if i need to ask anything then baru i text. Now, im the one to start and im the one who get hurt at the end when being ignore. Dlu ego i tinggi tpi still lah ada masa i reti gaklah rendah2 kn. But now, dia sgt2 rendah like rasa nya dh nk smpai 0 darjah or maybe negatif.
I always held my head high. Wlaupun i jenis pompuan yg always rasa diri dia right tpi ada masa i ngaku gak lah i salah. But now, i always put the blame on me and i feel like i had the wrong answer all the time. And i let people hurt me over and over again until i feel like im getting use of the pain, the pretending, the faking and somehow it eating me alive like a parasite.Baru sekrng i tau npe i gelak laen, just the way i act is different than before. Serious dlu mana ada i gelak mcm tu. Gelak i normal je. Even my evil laugh was not that evil, it was more to pretending evil laugh. I guess, most of the time i ketawa sbb nk lupa kan rasa luka dan kecewa yg ada dalam diri ni. And beside, laugh make me forget the pain or the problem i had that time. The evil laugh just an act to cover up all the bruise. Lgi ganas i ketawa meaning that the pain is deeper or korng nyer joke mmg lawak gila babeng. Either way. But mostly it just an act.
Enough is enough. I penat dh chasing people, fighting for people di mana at the end i yg kecewa, i yg sakit hati. I penat hold on. I penat tipu diri i yg everything going to be okay. I penat tunggu sesuatu yg belum pasti. I penat rasa sedih, rasa kecewa, rasa marah. And how now i ingt i ada special bonding ngan someone sbb tu selama ni i pertahankan. But sadly, i je yg rasa mcm tu. I je penat tunggu, penat fighting. I rasa dh tiba masa untuk i lepaskan segalanya yg tarik i ke bwah. Its time for me to let go, to move on, to be really really happy and to find myself back.
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