Speak now

Speak now or forever hold your peace.

I never regret my confession towards joe. I am not regret of saying what i really truly feel inside. I know that last time i took it back. But i didnt this time. I nekad untuk tell him the truth. Mmg nmpk mcm perigi mencari baldi. But so what? Sometime a girl gotta do what a girl gotta do. Dont judge me. Beside i rasa penat melayan perasaan i yg kacau bilau, yg asyik tukar fikiran. Kejap nk move on, kejap xnk. Penat kita tau. And penat sebenarnya pendam and just hold on to what if. So i just follow my heart and just told him. It took lot of courage and bravery. I bkn puji diri i. Maybe sket. Hehe..

But seriously, we were friend almost 9 years. It was a very long time. Eventhough i realize i fall for him 5 years ago. But still. I love our friendship more than anything. More than my feeling towards him. The reason i hold on was bcoz i takut kalo feeling ni akan destroy our friendship. The 'what if'. Wlaupun i takut sgt i akan ruin persahabatan yg lama terbina ni. Tpi smpai bila kn i nk seksa diri i. So i just go on and apa nk jadi, jadilah. Kalo mmg dh xde jodoh nk kwn xpe. Im glad i met him and that he was part of my life once.

Tpi tulah xsangka kan.. He felt the same way. Haha.. Mcm xcaya je. I mean yelah. I already expect the worse kot. Like dia xblas, putus hubungan terus or he just like say i ske u sbgai kwn je, thats it. Smpai sekrng mcm.. wow.. seriously.. or am i still dreaming? Yelah, for someone had a feelings on me is kinda.. weird i guess.. Tpi papelah.. the happy feeling u feel when the person u like, like u back. Pure happiness.. Haha.. Lols..

I bkn jenis yg ske letak harapan tinggi sbb byk kali dh dikecewakan. Sbb tu i always expect the worse and never prepared for the good news. Sbb tu serabut. But if you didnt end up like me. Its ok. At least now you know what s/he feels towards and u can move on. Xkisah lah nk move on terus dri hidup dia or move on but stay as a friend. Mcm kwn i sorng. He told his feeling towards the girl that he been in love with for 4 years. And eventhough it was too late sbb that girl nk kahwin dh. And kwn i bkn nk serabut kn pompuan tu ke apa. It just something he need to tell and then let go. He told the girl and the girl said nothing. And for my friend, he said its ok sbb niat mmg nk bgitau je. Dia rasa lega sgt sbb at least he let it pout and now he's move on and happily with some other girl. Different people, different stories kan? Pape pun u akan rasa mostly lega. At least one burden has been lift off. And u say what u need to say. U akan rasa lega. And never ever ever regret it.

I sendiri xtau mcm mne i dgn joe ni. If it meant to be, it meant to be. If not we stayed friends. Tpi pling i lega gila gila lah bila we both can still talk, joke and fooling around like we used to. Mcm kwn2. The feeling somehow didnt destroy anything and kteorng pun dh xnk n xkn sentuh psl bnde alah tu. Let it pass. At least masing2 tau yg masing2 x tepuk sebelah tangan. Harap kita berkekalan selamanya. Wlaupun mungkin hanya sebagai kwn. Tpi harap lebih dri kawan lah. Haha. Gedik.. Gatal. :D ;X

But remember never be afraid to say what you truly feel inside. Bcoz your thoughts are matter and need to be heard. I know that we had doubt, insecurities, the overthinking and the anxiety. But just bear in mind that what happens, happens. At least u said what u gotta said and need to be heard and dont you ever ever feel any regret. Keep that in mind and repeat it to yourself over and over again whenever you had doubt and was about to change your mind. Again.