I mean yelah ye ye je ckp nk move on. Ye ye o je.. Acah acah je i ni. Mcm tak biasa. Before this dh bpe byk kali tah asyik cancel je. Tpi serious i dh nekad kot masa tu. Mmg serious rasa nk move on and rasa bley move on kali ni. Serious talk wei. Sbb that time mmg rasa mcm xpelah dh kwn lama ke apa ke. I need to destroy this friendship in order to move on and let go. Tah pape je. Tpi tulah. Mungkin dgn harapan ble i bwat dia lesap n ignore i mcm dlu. It be easy and less painful sbb at least that time i xperlu buat apa apa. Dia ignore i, push me away and all. And im tired. I done this before. Smpai bila nk kene ada sini ble dia ignore i ke apa. So kalo dia ignore i this time, i would just let go. Cuma tulah kene bwat something yg boleh bwat dia ignore and push me away again. I done this before ok. Dlu i tak strong. Sekarang insyallah. So i pun bwat lah...
What did i do before that make him push me away??
Easy...
I told him i like him. Like really really like him. Wlaupun mmg betul pun. Tapi tulah. Nk sruh dia push kita away kn. Sbb dlu pun i prnh buat. Pastu i freak out. I took it back. And dia tak balas pape pun. Lega wei. Haha.. Tau takut.. But then suddenly he's gone. I dont know where to look for him. He just shut me off. Serious rasa mcm nk jahit mulut sendiri je time tu. Yelah sape sruh gi confess. Kan dia dh lari dh.. Hmm.. But of course i got it all wrong. Dia ada masalah keluarga time tu. He needs time alone. Tpi kalo ye pun bgi jelh tau. I give u some space lah. I bkn nyer clingy wlaupun kdg2 mcm psycho gak. Haha..
So i told him i like him again. At 2.56 am. I bkn gigih smpai ingt waktu i confess tu. Ni semua sbb dia balas. Dia respond. This time he respond. Wlaupun esok tu i check xde pape msg dri dia. And i was glad sbb ok bley move on dh. Dia bkn kisah pun sbb tu dia tak balas. And kalo dia balas pun, i just harap dia bgitau i dia tak ske i ke or dia ske i as kwn je or dia tak yah balas lah. Senang. So i pun mengharungi hari tu seperti biasa cuma menghiburkan diri. Takde lah kecewa but it was a celebration of freedom kot. Cewah. Pastu entah mcm mne. I got text from him ptg tu. He replied, "apa u meroyan ni pukul 2.56 pagi? u kene rasuk hantu apa? ke mimpi?". I mcm.. why did u reply? I tak boleh lah. I patutnya let go je or block num dia ke apa. Tpi i gi balas gak. I confess balik. Nekad wei nk dia buang i dri hidup dia. Tgh dok sibuk balas confession tu.. Tetbe... bagi suspen jap... Dia balas.. Dia ckp...
"i pun ske u gak selama ni, tpi ske dlm diam."
Terkedu i jap wei. I mcm.. speechless. I tgh mimpi ke apa ni. Sbb rasa lpas subuh tu tgk dia tak balas pastu aku smbung tdo smpai termimpi dia balas. Mimpi ke ni wei.. I pinch myself a few time. Its real. He confess. He say it. He likes me. He likes me all this time. And i am not alone. And tak perlu dh tarik tali lagi dh.. Tpi ada lagi dia ckp. He told me he doesnt want to couple and all that. Ckup duit, ckup diri terus kahwin je. And to be honest i tak kisah pun. Sbb i pun tak nk actually boipren or girlpren ni. Serious tak nak. I pun mmg rasa nk terus kahwin je. Dh malas lah. Nnti ye ye je together last last end up ngan orng laen. Mungkin we both still pegang pada "kalo ada jodoh, ada" mcm masa kteorng borang psl isu kahwin dlu tu. Pastu i mcm still tak percaya. Dia ni memain ke. I marah dia kot. I ckp jgn beri i harapan. Jgn ckp just bcoz u just nk jaga hati i. It really its ok joe. Its ok. Nmpk sgt mmg nk joe tarik balik apa dia ckp n xnk pun dia ckp pun mcm tu. Yelah i dh positive kn diri kot. N i mmg fkir dia akan dia ske i as friend je. Tup tup laen lah. But he convince me. So pape lah kn. Kalo dia tipu, i sumpah dia jadi katak. Haha.. Katak yg pentol selalu.. Lols..
But it was nice you know. To know he felt the way as i am. And i tak keseorngan. So mcm mne nk move on?? Batalkn jelah niat tu. For now, taknk letak harapan tinggi2 ke apa. Relax je. Ada jodoh ada, kan joe. At least i dh confess what i feel all this time. Lega gle rasa wei. So tak perlu lah nk rasa regret ke apa. Jodoh tak ley bwat apa. Tu semua plan Allah. Kita sebagai hamba redha dengan ketentuan masing2.
Tak pernah2 i bwat kerja gila mcm ni. Gila lah. Nasuha confess feeling dia kt crush dia. Nk tergelak rasa. Haish.. But after the confession, suddenly everything seem clear and everything make sense. Asal lah dlu blur wei. Serious kot he gave all the sign. And wlaupun dlu i mmg rasa and mcm boleh agak tpi xnk berharap kot. Takut nnti kecewa. Mne tau dia mmg mcm tu. Sweet talker or apa apa ke. I yg syok sendiri. So i positive kn diri. Over thinking mmg memenatkan. But sekrng tak perlu dah. Sekrng boleh just chill and relax and let the fate decide whats best for us both.
Kalo ada jodoh, alhamdulilah. Kalo takde, kte stay as friend insyallah. And kalo mmg tak meant to be, its ok. At least i told you what i feel. I let my guards down and tore up my wall. At least u know what i truly feel. At least i wont regret any of it. So its ok joe, It really its ok :)
Tpi harap kita ada jodoh lah. Haha.. Ok memain je.. Haha. :D
No comments:
Post a Comment