Tak tahu nk explain mcm mne. But its been a few weeks now.. wait months actually and somehow i didnt change my mind about joe. I stick with it. It was something i never did sbb kalo tgk history lah mmg xsmpai seminggu or 2 minggu, i change my mind back. I ran back towards him. But this time i didnt. I didnt even feel missing him at all. I mean maybe a little bit but not too much. And even if i miss him it was more to the old him, the memories of me and him. It was no longer of me wishing that things was back to where it was, to be brought to the past so that i would stay or change it so that in the future we both happy with each other. Ok, maybe i did somehow wishing that i could go back to the past but that just bcoz i wanted to feel that happiness or i just want to see how happy we were before mcm cte inside out tu. The memories flashback and the emotion played the role. I was missing more towards the memories than the person itself.
So since uolls know yg JDT akan ke AFC this week and dorng match kt tajiskistan.. xreti eja, mlas nk cri lagipun. Hehe.. Before that, joe tetbe text i ajak i tgk kt sana. He just bluff. I tau. Sbb last friday i tnye, dia kata tgk tv jelah, duit xde and lagipun jauh blah blah blah. Ceq dh agak dh.. U mmg. Mcm2 alasan. And there i was thought he would stop there. Tpi tah mcm mne terpnjg lak conversation kteorng kali ni. Well, dia bgitau i dia kt kl sekrng ni, ada keje. I bising lah ckp xbgitau kalo tak ley jumpa. Dia ckp segan lah bagai lah. I mcm biasa terus label orng gedik. Hehe. And he said, mengedik kt u je. And i was like, yeah right. Mesti byk mengedik ngan orng laen ni. Orng laki ni mana boleh dipercayai. Dia nk bwat i cair by saying yg dia mengedik ngan orng laen sket je, dgn i yg byk sbb i special. Maigott.. Mamat ni. Saje je tau. Buat kte cair. Bwat kte tetbe rasa mcm nk move on ke tak. Haha.. But this time around, hati i agak sado lah.
And it didnt end there. To be honest, i sgt ske conversation kteorng that day. Bkn sbb dia buat i cair ngan ayat2 manis dia ke apa. Bcoz that was we were before. Ckp bnde tah pape pastu flirt2 sket, gedik2 sket. I sendiri ngaku kt dia yg i rindu dia n kte dlu2. Lama tak borak mcm ni apa semua. He felt the same way too. Pastu mcm biasa, kalo tak cari gaduh ngan i tak sah. Nk gak salahkn orng. Haish mamat ni. I feel joy and happiness. But it was nothing compare to the happiness he felt that day.
He felt a happiness like he could do anything in this world. Mcm orng high. Di mana kau rasa mcm kau boleh terbang or terjun dri bangunan. I felt those happiness before. Like someone/something swept you off your feet. And you were in somewhere beautiful and fun. And you rasa mcm nk nyanyi, nk menari, nk jerit. Tpi bkn jerit yg luahkn perasaan tu tau. More tu jerit something like i love you or i really like you kinda stuff. Jeritan bahagia gitu. Like in my case, masa i ngan joe borak psl our future tu, i rasa bahagia sgt mcm i nk terbang je, mcm nk jerit je. I was happy and i asyik nyanyi lagu apatah time tu. And hati i rasa sakit sgt tpi sakit yg bahagia. Bkn sakit yg dh penat nangis or apa2 yg sedih marah. I was happy. Bahagia dia tak terkata wei.
He felt that kind of happiness. He told me that. And all i could say was ok. I know those feel but i didnt feel it that day. I should have felt something bila dia ckp ayat2 manis tu. But i didnt. And i envy him for feel like that. Phm tak perasaan di mana kau tahu apa rasa dia, kau pernah rasa tpi kau tak boleh rasa dh. Takde lah frust. Cme pelik. Why cant i feel the happiness that he felt. I was once feel it before with him. Why cant i feel it now. And even strange when i didnt even change my mind. Mungkin betul kot. I finally move one. I finally let go. I finally realize. Bkn sbb i ada skandal ke apa dh sekrng. He was nothing compare to joe. I still am choosing joe if people ask me to choose between those two. I still gonna pick him no matter what unless of course i dh ada husband bagai. So xley lah. Setia wei setia. Or maybe sbb last week i busy kn diri i ngan lab pastu byk overnight kt bilik fiqah. Like i wasnt been left alone with my thoughts. Maybe sbb tu i boleh move on. Maybe. Entahlah. Papelah. Chill lh. Baru sebulan. Haha..
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