Looking back 2015

I did this throwback kind of thing just mcm reflect of things that i did or going through sepnjg tahun tu. Bkn mcm pesbuk ok. Come on lah pesbuk throwback gmbr kot. Sgt menyakitkn hati. I mean i dont need you to remind of all those hurtful things. Of course ada good times but no thank you. Who are you to remind me huh? I am me. I remind myself and im the one who decide that i will go visit to memory land or not. Not you Mark. Definitely not you. And you. And you. But me.

Rasanya tahun ni berlalu dgn cepat. Serious kot. Tup tup tgk dh nk akhir tahun. I didnt remember half of it actually. But i remember that i pernah bagi advice kt kwn i sorng ni. Dia mcm distracted and overthinking. Mulut dia ckp je tak ambik kisah psl apa orng lain ckp but deep down i know he did a lot of thinking and he keep it inside until it built quiet a strong tall wall. I terus terang lh ngan dia apa yg i rasa. And wlaupun dia deny. I've been through this thing every day. You cant fool a pro. Kau fkir mcm mne aku boleh stay happy and positive like all the time? Bcoz it is in my nature? You are wrong. Sbb honestly i think i get used of it. I get used of the pain, the sadness, the heart break and the faking. I get used to everything. And i know i couldnt be save anymore. But i could save him. So i give him advice. And for now i think dia ok je. He ignore the noise and the people he dislike.

Lately ni i byk terjumpa psl confession. Kt twitter, kt blog, u name it.. Kt radio pun mcm ada je. Kt tv jgn ckp lah. I cant stop watching Love Rosie kay.. Tpi betul lh, if u like someone, tell them. Kene reject ke apa ke, tu belakang kira. If h/she didnt feel the same, its ok, move on and have faith. You will meet someone who are better. Or mcm ada this guy bgitau i masa i confess kt dia and he reject me bcoz he is in love with some other girl tpi tu cite lama. Ceq dh move on lama dh. He said, 'one day you will found someone or a person that will take your heart and never throw it away'. Smpai sekrng kot i still ingt. And sadly i didnt found that someone yet. Ok, maybe i did or maybe i dont. Who cares. Tu first confession lah. Yg second one. I bkn takut nk bgitau dia sbb i pernah kene reject. Tpi sbb dia kwn baik i and i fkir kalo i bgitau apa i rasa kt dia, i akan ruin our friendship and this friendship is all i had. I couldnt afford losing him. Bayangkanlh i dgn dia mcm Erik and Pam wlaupun they not really together even as friend. Pastu lagi satu i masih ragu2. But then i bgitau dia apa yg i rasa and tak sangka dia pun ada perasaan yang sama. And the rest is history. And the future is full with mystery. At least i had a gut or a ball to tell him what i felt after all this years, after all the wrong relationship and wrong guy. I told him and i feel relieve. Never do i feel any regret.

I think i change every year. And even though i miss the old me but this was all part of grown up, part of life. And i think i still experiment of who i want to be. Im thankful for the people that stay with me throughout this 2015 and the i cherish every moment and adventure i had. Hoping there will be more next year. Insyallah. :)

 Ok, thats all for now. Lets do the countdown of welcoming 2016, and saying farewell to 2015.