Those loser moment

Nobody is perfect. Everyone has their own weakness that they may try to hide it and battle with it.

I found someone who was feel like such a loser for asking for help. Dia rasa diri dia proud sgt. And sgt down bila dia kene mintak tolong kt orng. Wlaupun time tu dia mmg desperate in need of someone help and actually orng tu tak kisah pun nk tolong dia. Contoh mcm dia sakit and tak larat. Takkan lah nk biarkan dia mcm tu. Of course people will help no matter what. Sbb fhm keadaan dia. But no. Dia rasa sgt loser and helpless kene mintak tolong kt orang. Mungkin sebab takut terhutang budi kot. Sbb i pun kdg2 mcm tu gak. Sbb takut terhutang budi. And i hate terhutang budi dgn orng. Sbb i rasa i perlu sacrifice something untuk orang tu and i tak ske. Tpi depends gak. I xde lah rasa loser sgt. Sbb sometime we do need help from other people. 

Then i found someone yang sgt positive tpi xboleh orng lagi positive dri dia. Dia rasa sgt loser and boleh lead to negativity. Dia akan rasa down and lose confidence sbb ada orng lgi positive dri dia. Kalo i... i tak rasa loser sgt. Tpi tulah bila someone become positive than me, i could being so negative wlaupun i desperately need someone untuk positive kan i balik wlaupun jugak i akan tetap stay negative regardless how positive that people is. I tetap dengan pendirian negative i. Tpi tak sampai rasa loser. Mungkin down tu adalah kot.

And as for me.. I sgt tak suka rasa jealous. Sgt sgt tak ske. I akan rasa sgt loser and down bila bila i rasa jealous ttg something and someone. And i akan cuba fight and hide it pretty well. Tpi i sgt tak ske perasaan jeles. Selama ni i ckp je i jealous about something, i tak pernah bermaksud kn pun. I just saja ckp. Kalo nk ikutkan jeles psl xdpt tgk jdt match kat dataran tu xde lah jeles sgt sbb i dpt tgk kt cafe zaaba, dpt rasa gak suasana meriah dia. And psl jeles xdpt gi cafe vintage and naik vespa semua tu pun xde apa sgt pun. Dh move on dh pun. Sbb i dpt gi byk lagi cafe vintage or hipster yg best best. N psl vespa, xpe, one day. Xkemana lah vespa tu. Tpi i pernah kot jeles psl orng nyer score. Time tu rasa mcm nk bunuh diri je sbb sgt tak ske sgt perasaan tu tapi tetbe terasa. And of course i akan cuba buang jauh jauh. Sgt tak ske. And sekrng ni, i ada perasaan jeles terhadap this particular person. I tak tau npe i rasa jeles sgt bila dia dgn orng laen wlaupun orng laen tu kwn i sendiri. I tak suka perasaan ni. Kalo i dapat buang satu perasaan, i lebih rela buang perasaan jeles daripada sedih dan marah. Sgt tak suka perasaan ni. Selalunya mcm biasa lah bila rasa jeles je, i akan cuba buang jauh jauh and move on. Tpi masih tak boleh nk move on. Tak paham lah. Selama ni tak pernah pernah rasa jeles kt ashraf and joe. Tpi ngan dia,perasaan jeles ni membuak buak. Sgt xske. Npe perlu jeles. Xde apa yg nk jeleskan nya. Dia bukan sapa sapa pun. Npe perlu jeles?! Ughh.. Xske perasaan niiiii!!!!!! Serious sgt tak ske perasaan niiiii!!!!!

Dan i masih mencari lagi those loser moment on someone or weakness..