Okay.. aritukn i sgt down. I shut everybody out. Seriously. Including the girls. And i guess smpai i tmimpi yg i tdelete this blog kot. How weird. Then it hit me that i shouldnt be like this. I shouldnt act like this. So i do what i have to do. I turn back to farah. I dont know why but among the girls, i rasa sgt comfortable cte everything ngan farah. Mohon yg laen jgn terasa. And yeah farah marah. But she was right though. This was not healthy at all. Tpi i rasa relieve sgt lepas luahkn everything kt dia. Somehow i forgot how it feels like to talk to someone who truly understand it. Thanks farah for everything. Owh yeah.. she told me to be open. Bcoz thats how she found her happiness despite everything that happen. So i tried to. Little by little. Baby step.
I started with Azmil. Sbb dh lama gila xborak ngan dia. I tau dia busy and all that. But i also know how happy he was with someone he likes. And i am happy for him. I do. I told him that. And he be a sweetheart by calling me bestfriend and wishes i found a best man in future. Amin. Insyallah. But it really touch me though. Looking back kn.. it was like we lose someone but there will be someone else came aong. Life is full of surprise.
Then, borak ngan dila.. ajak dating jumaat aritu. Sejak sem 1 nk jumpa baru sekrng dpt. Rindu kot. And since roomate i blik, i ajak dia sleepover sekali. Serious tingt masa kt kmj ngan mai dlu. Cme ngan mai lebih romantik lh sbb dia ngada nk tdo sebelah i gak.. haha.. sebaik dia kecil. so muat ler satu single bed tu. Mcm2 hal lah borak. Everything. Gossip psl.. well, mostly bdk2 kmj. Classmate i, classmate dia. The girls, dia nyer bestfriend. Joe n pacak.. Hmm. yep everything. Pastu lyn cte frozen. Kul 3 lbih gak lah tdo. Bgun esok jgn ckp. Mmg lmbt. Mmg tbabas subuh aku. Then bgun2 borak lagi.. But this time mcm heart to heart session. Slalu tgh2 mlm tau. Nie tgh ari. Haha.. Then gi kuo shopping2 mknan. Smbung tgk movie n tdo.. Mlm kluar dinner ngan my parents. Then i sorng2 dlm bilik lagi.
But it was fun. Dh lama kot xbuat bnde2 nie smue. Masa kt kmj dlu dlm seminggu dua adalah buat heart to heart session. It was just a session where we pour everything we felt xspecially about someone who we likes, crushes.. Nama pun heart to heart kn.. Its all about love. To be honest i jealous sketlh ngan dila n pacak. But i also happy for them. Dila is my friend and maybe this just her path. While mine, obviously i got long way to go... and joe.. maybe it just might not meant to be..
Tpi kn i tau farah ask me to let him go sbb bnde nie mmg xkemana pun. Pusing2 kt situ gak. And i was hurt. Badly. I was broken. Cme i rasa mcm i lebih rela let go feeling i, forget about those feeling i ada kt joe instead of let him go. He was my very best friend. Tgk friendship nie hancur mcm nie, i just xsanggup. Honestly, i xkisah kot kalo i n joe xend up together. It wasnt one of my dream. But it will be nice if we end up with our best friend kn. I just xnk end this friendship. I tau one day ble joe dh kahwin mesti dia busy ngan family dia, cme once in awhile we could hang out and talked and maybe i kwn ngan wife dia, dia kawan ngan husband i.. mcm dgn the girls nnti, somewhere in the future. Sbb tu i xready nk give up. I will try hold on as long as i can..
But for now, it was really time to be happy and to pick up the pieces and whatever.. Haha.. Going to watch gigs today.. hehe.. see ya.. may everything goes well this time around. Insyallah. Amin. :) xoxo.
