I am a pretty much messed up girl. I dont know what i want in my life. and im trying to figure things out. trying to make things work.
waking up. realize that changes might not seem good anymore. im turning to the old me once again. but im still trying to figure out me. what i wanna be. who i wanna be. so, im turning every moment into a journey and i wont give up to learn, to figure out, to discover, to participate.
feelings. i try to delete this annoying tingling feeling somewhere inside me. its tough coz i didnt get the ending just yet. the perfect closure. i promise farah, someday i will get my answer. when the time come. sometime i feel like i wanna fall with someone i dont know. someone i meet in a coffee shop maybe. but sometime i felt different way. its hard when my mind keep changing. but i do know that i want to meet new people. and if it meant to be, you and me, we will find our way back and make our dream came true.
friends. i love making new friend. meeting new people. getting to know each other. but somehow i always running away to my bestfriends. my penawar hati and my pentol. no one know me like u guys did. u guys make me feel like my own self. thanks for always being there for me in healthiness and sickness, for better and worse. haha.. but serious guys. u guys are the awesome bestfriends i ever had and im glad i meeting u guys. its definitely fate.
those loved ones. i love family. well, who doesnt. and im forever are daddy's little girl. i got huge fight with him the other day. we both just trying being stranger and avoided each other. but it wasnt easy coz i felt something. those feeling that you want to get mad at person but you couldnt. so, you end up making a truce. and i did. i guess i really couldnt stay mad at people i love so much. not just joe. thanks mommy and abah for everything u ever gave to me. you make who i am today eventhough i am still trying to figure things out. u accept me who i really am. the stone cold head one. haha. i love you guys both. promise i will continue making u proud as long as we shall live. insyallah.
first love. i never thought i will experience till today. and i was always mistaken about first love. i thought first was the first. but no. first love different. sometime people feel it on the first one but sometime the other way around. and i was the other way around. ashraf wasnt the first i be with. but he definitely my first love though he's not mine. i do miss him sometime and thought about him. i never forget about him, what we both had. sometime i love to remember all the things we did, what he say. i just love to look back when i miss him. eventhough we didnt last like i hope and dream so but i glad i meet him. coz he's my first love.
charming. i always love with guys that are charming. i never know my taste. i just saw this and i like him. just simple as that. but my girls do know what kind a guy i like. they are the best. i still got a long way to go but i hope on that journey, somehow somewhere i bump into you. and well, things will be clique so i wont explain more.
i am a pretty messed up girl. i got bad attitude sometime. im hot tempered. no one believes that. haha.. but i do. im saying things i didnt mean. do crazy thing without thinking. i want to open a bakery shop one day. but realize that i love doing it as a hobby. same goes to my song writing. i love to write. listen to some music. and try to relate it with my life and what i feel at that moment. i feel free and my mind kinda relax when i with music. i still study with music. it help me a lot. exspecially when things just got bored. i still dont know what i want to be. but i belive in qada' and qadar. wherever fate take me after this, i believe theres are reason behind this.
i dont know why i worte this. but i feel it just something that i want to do.