Sometime i feel a jealousy inside of me when i see those couples who seems happy and in love, laughing, looking at each other and shared some shade. And when i found out that my high school friends already married or anyone who had same age of mine already settle down and have kids. I feel a bit jealous and had a thought like, "apa yg aku bwat dgn hidup aku ni?" "im going to be forever alone" and mcm2 thoughts yg mempersoalkan ttg aku, ttg mereka or ttg sape2 je yg kt sekeliling aku ni ha. I tau, tah pape kn. But im an over thinking. Its a habit.
But then i saw how kids could be a monster by crying, screaming. I know that im not ready yet to have kids and settle down. Hell, im not even sure im ready to love someone and be with them for the rest of my life. I know i will be ready one day. But not now. And not soon either. Maybe later. Serious kot. Aritu ada this family. Anak2 dia semua kecil2 lagilah. Pling besar pun maybe darjah 1 or 2 kot. Yg lagi 2 tu maybe 4 and 2. Mak aii.. Dgn jerit dia, dgn nangis. I COULDNT STAND IT. Pastu i lyn cte Mom's Night Out lak. NIGHTMARE! But of course i know a few years later, im going to change my mind. I would love my kids even they can be a pain in the ass. But they are my bundle of joy. Tpi tu nnti2 lah. Sekrng ni, i dont think so. And no, thank you.
Im a normal girl who fantasized my wedding dress and ceremony and all about wedding lah. Wlaupun i xdelah smpai letak sape2 (cthnya joe) as the groom. I just imagine me and a shadow. Sbb i pun xtau dgn sape i end up with or sempat ke tak. My cousin yg sama umur ngan i pun dh kahwin and rmai rasanya kwn2 sklah i nk kahwin n dh kahwin pun. I rasa jealous tpi ble i cuba letakkan diri i dlm situasi dorng yg nk kahwin dh. I was NO, IM NOT READY. I know im not. Bkn i kejar career ke apa. It just i rasa mcm there are lots of things i nk buat before i betul2 settle down. And you guys mesti like, "alah, nnti kahwin pun boleh buat gak kn". Maybe for you but not for me. When you married, at the same time you that vow to stay committed. And bkn ke kte yg pompuan ni kene dgr ckp suami, mintak izin blah blah blah. Byk responsibility ok. I just xboleh. Bkn sekrng. Nnti2.
For now....
And enjoy my single mingle forever alone life. Ala, perasaan jealous tu kejap je. Pastu lama2 i lpe lah smpai lah i dpt tau ada orng nk kahwin. Agaknya ble dh smpai umur 2 siri ni, mmg mcm tu kot pemikiran dia. Xspecially orng mcm i lh. Sebaik lh i xde bf. Kalo ada, agaknya mcm mne lah. Xpsl i paksa bf i propose i sekrng gak or dia terpaksa lyn kerenah i yg tah pape yg kuat berangan ni. Haha.. Or tak.. or tak.. Mcm i ckp. I x ready. I tau i xready. Sekrng ni just chill and enjoy while it last. Ada jodoh, ada lah kn. Chill lah women. Haha..
Huh.. confident gle berkata kata. LOLs :D
No comments:
Post a Comment