The Diaries

So i was kemas2 barang and i found a box that full with my diaries. Maigod. I almost forgot psl box nie. Dlu ada gak kemas2 and i almost wanted to throw it away. In other word, bakar lah. Gila. Orng baca kang.. Kantoi je. But then along was like, 'you should keep it'. So yeah i simpan and dh tlupa. And now i found it again.

Serious nk tgelak baca. Almaklumlh dri zaman sklh rendah smpai form 4. I start ada diary nie since darjah 4. And i wonder why i never be a writer. Haha.. Im very good at it. Maybe one day? Tpi tulah yg masa sklh rendah ler lawak. Xpe xmatang lgi. People understand that.

Betul ckp along, i should really keep it. I mean it have lots of memory and thousand of feelings and dark secrets that of course i je yg tau but then lpe. Dh bape tahun dah. Ble baca tu i was like, 'Maigod, i was like that?' or 'i never thought i was acted like a bitch or asshole' or ' i was such an awful person'. Ye mcm2 lgi. Well, i was never good nice girl dlu. Seriously. But of course xramai yg percaya. People change okay. What past is past. And yg pling xbley blah, 'i was into that guy? What was i thinking?' Haha..

And to be honest this year i dh start tulis diary balik actually. You know those time ble i break down and stop update blog i. I was runaway with my diary. It was the only hiding place i feel safe. Second tumblr. But dont worry i x berat sebelah. Once in awhile i akan update.

These diaries not just remind who i was before or how i change after all those years. It was a part of me. And beside i tpkir. Bygkn if i lose my memory mcm cte the vow. And to be clear i rasa i xkn bgitau my future other half psl blog i. It remain secret and i make sure the girls xbgitau. Gila. Dhlh blog i public. Kang dia baca. Kalo buat private nnti, farah tnye lak. So at least with diary. He knows. He just dont know where i hid it. But he would find it of course. Mana je i nk sorok dowh. Im not great in keeping things hidden except my feelings and secrets. Tu insyallah. Okay dah melarat. Haha..

But diaries just not the only thing yg buat i think the old me or those i did in the past. I gi ambik adik i kt sklh and i saw those high school yg nmpk mcm i n the girls dlu. And i was like.. 'didnt realize i was like that?' Huh. But serious. I miss the past, the memories. Tpi mcm tagline toyota, keep moving foward. And so i did.

Btw, i tetbe layan cte the nanny balik. Dlu masa sklh rendah slalu layan cte ngan aisyah. We so obsess ngan cte nie. Lawak dowh. Serious. Gi check kt youtube. Dorng dh upload full episode n season dh. Masa time study week + exam, i dok lyn cte nie. Dont worry. I study gak. Tpi otak dh jam and i need a break, i lyn the nanny. Nk lak i nyer hard disk dh kasi kt adik. Xde ler movie nyer. Youtube jelah peneman. Tulh bajet xnk lyn movie bagai. Tup2 layan gak. Haha.. Tpi serious lah i perasan, my gedikness came from the nanny. Lepas i tgk tu, i terikut2. The way i talk, the way i acted and the hand. Habitual action. Nadia n farah mesti faham. Hehe

 

 

One of the best scene in The Nanny. It keeps me laugh time stress2 exam nie

Okay, ciao,
xoxo

Dislike

Eh2. Byk lak nk update mlm nie.. Haha.. Kalo xtau nk tulis ape mmg menyepi je. Ble idea dtg mencurah2, xmau berhenti. Mentang2 ada gap 10 hari. Sokay, i keep it short and simple. Maybe. No promises.

Okay2.. i nie kn ske berfikir n observe. So, all this while, well, i ada dislike someone. Sbb i rasa dia sgt annoyong n just dtg ble perlukn help je n sgt selfish, bleh bleh bleh. Or maybe sbb terpengaruh dgn yg laen kot. Kdg2 tu actually a part of me forgive everything she ever done and just nk let go. Lets start a fresh. Tpi mcm biasalh. Ble dgr mulut orng dok ckp, yg i lak dok dgr je n caya. I take it all back.

But now, enough with the negativity. Kalo i bley maafkn joe and just forget. N do the same thing kt ashraf. Why cant i do the same to her? So yeah im going to let go and start a fresh. Pastu i tpkir. Maybe there are reason why she acted the way she is. Maybe dlu ada orng buat jahat kt dia or ada orng sakitkn hati dia. Anything kot. Sbb tu dia mcm bitch and heartless. I fkir smue tu sbb i pun mcm dia jugak kot. I mean there are reason npe i heartless or ckp ikut sodap mulut je. After all there are difference between being an asshole and acted like an asshole. Lgipun she's not bad. She just.. rebel kot. But i wish the best for her.

Ye, wlaupun i nmpk soft ble baca statement kt atas. But i was hard actually. Sebenarnya ada orng yg kte ley forgive n forget, ada yg kita ley forgive n ada yg kte lngsung xley forgive and forget. N dlm hidup i, ada je manusia yg tergolong dlm group ke 3 tu. Orng mcm tu mmg xkn berubah. Nk sangka baik pun xbley sbb dh terang xperlu menyuluh. N i dont hate them. I just dislike. Hate is a strong word n i try to avoid it. Tpi tulah. Golongan yg ke 3 tu mmg selalu dpt honest face dri i. Nk buat poker face pun xbley. Sbb dh tahap menyirap. So, take it or leave it jelah. But of course most of the time i try to avoid. Afterall, silence is a bliss. I mean if u had nothing nice to say, dont say nothing at all. N thats why i did. Most of the time.

Xoxo..

Menghilang

Its getting dusty here. Mohon maaf sbb lama xupdate. Menghilang jap.

I was talking to ashraf just now. Yeah, lately i byk borak ngan dia. Jgn salah faham. We just friend. Xsalah kn if after breakup, we stay friends. As long as we know our limits. Tpi kteorng bkn mcm best buddy or whatever. He knows me well. So.. i feel very comfortable around him. Tpi still, i xde niat ape2 nk smbung blik ke ape. I move on and realize that we just not meant to be together. He was my first love and i always love him cme feeling tu xmcm dlu lah.

Anyway, we talked about kwn dia yg dok sibuk bahan dia sbb dia menghilang. Dh episode 3 uolls. Byk menghilang bdk nie. Tpi dia mmg mcm tu. Sejak i kenal dia lagi kot. Menghilang je keje.

Tpi ble dia ckp, 'Kdg2 kte kene menghilang gak'. I xphm mksud dia n xterniat nk tnye pun. But i kinda agree with him with this one. I dont know why.. Tpi kdg2 menghilang tu equal to be alone. And wlaupun no ones want to be alone dlm dunia nie. But actually it was good to be alone. You learn lot of things about yourself. Contoh u xpernah mengait. U try n u succeed. Or u tetbe nk tulis novel. Wlaupun baru bape patah perkataan. Still, u got a gift dear. Just a little bit of imagination maybe.

And lately my worlds was like full with love birds.

Thank you jess for pointing that out. Yeah. Xkisah ler antara kwn ke, sedara ke. Huh. It was so suffocating. N bkn i jealous or ape2 yg sewaktunya. It just like. Please leave me alone. And im happy for them. I do. But i feel more happier if they just leave me out of it. Like dont ask me about any guy i knew or not know. N dont act like i was loser for not having someone. Bcoz u know what i'm too awesome for them. And the fact that im heartless. So i need a really right person to make me soft again or whatever, make me a better person or something like that. I mean u guys maybe dh found the one for you, while mine is still stuck in traffic jam. So whatever. I dont mind.

But for now. I really love my life. Just like how it was. I mean yeah i might get lonely or whatever sometime. But i find something to cheer me up. I always do. N mcm mommy ckp. Im not desperate. Yeah im not. Just serious i xkisah kalo hidup dikelilingi ngan love birds. Just dont drag me with it. You deal with ur life, and i deal with mine. Tu je i nk point out.  

 

Yeah, we on the same page taylor. Just i love to sit and watch gossip girl or how i met your mother or maybe new girl.

Xoxo.