I lost myself a couple of times. I wanted to try new things, feeling the new experience. There was one time, i met this person who was obviously i am not comfortable with but i ignore it. Okay, this might sound like 'I Knew You Were Trouble'. We had a good time. But when i thought about it know, i was like, what was i thinking? OMG! And i had this feeling of ashamed and guilt. It wasnt the best feeling and i am glad i get out from there faster. No, it wasnt something illegal kay. So, delete whatever images in your thought now.
And there was the time when i try to be a new person like i-dont-care-about-your-shit kinda attitude. I try to be fun, loud and wild. It was no good actually. Everyone dislike me.. iSad.. How could they?! I am a very likeable person ever! Everyone love me.. tee hee..
I wanted to know what it feels like to be a heartbreaker. So, i started to be with 3 or 4 guys at once and i dump there after 1 month or i let they dump me. whatever.. It was actually pretty good and i felt heartless which was fun.. Haha.. yeah, im so mean and evil.. Actually it was fun bcoz i got to learn what this person is all about, and that person and the other person. And maybe when i really found the one, i would know what to do when he like this. Maybe. I never learn from my mistake anyway. Haha.. Having this relationship was fun bcoz it wasnt serious and my heart wont getting broken and my eyes wont burn from the crying. But somehow i didnt feel satisfied. Coz you see, when i saw a couple, having a great moment, lost intheir thought, i envy it. I mean, will i having those time? Will i ever meet my true love? Or will i end up forever alone , live with nancy and her generation? No!!
So, i change...
And here i am.. alive.. haha.. i love to laugh bcoz it hide whatever bitter things in my life.. i am needy and clingy.. im weird and i love to talk.. seriously.. all ashraf could remember was how talkactive i am. He told me that if im not talkactive, i am not me.. What the hell.. And my classmate, when i just like silent, she was like why so quiet? and i was like, what, all this time i was talkactive ke? and she said YES! even my dad pun ckp i byk ckp. What to do. I love to talk even sometime it doesnt make sense at all. Hmm.. so i kene cari partner yg good listener, yg xpernah penat layan kerenah i. and i love to watch cute funny love story coz it give me hope that true love do exist in this cruel world and someday i will find one. i mean when i mad, i mean when im too happy and i am hot temper. xcaya kn? but yeah.. and always change my mind.. no doubt..
And the best thing is.. im still trying to figure out myself.. so i think u should to..both my friend, qaedy and joe are ought to find themseleves.. Both went to madrasah and you dont know how proud i am for them. They change to good person now. Insyallah. Bukan nk ckp dlu jhat sgt, but u guys are now a much better person. I m happy for you guys. So, go out there, falling in love, make mistake, finding your own self. Its okay to make mistake as long as you buat solat taubat (wajib!), you learn from ur mistake and never give up. Be fearless.
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| nilah nancy, pujaan hati i, pengubat duka.. ceh ayat jiway gitu.. haha.. :) |