It was nice to have those friend who not just understand what ive been through but really really give me good advice as if they feel what i feel. So, shout out to farah! Sorry my other girls. I love u guys and u guys are a great listener. Trust me. Just somehow i comfortable talk with farah when it comes to heart to heart problem. Dont be sad. U guys are great to but maybe in different things. I figure that out later. Haha..
So, i was like having a breakdown. No, i always having a breakdown lately/ It just that i didnt show it much. I mean what the hell? It just a minor breakdown. Not like im gonna doing stupid things anyway. I got a great friends and family that had been there for me, support me in everything i do. I dont need to do other bullshit.
Okay, i called farah. I really wanted to see her so bad. And i wanted to talk to her. Tetbe rasa teruk lak. Yelah. Mcm ble ada masalah je baru cari farah. OMG! Im a bad friend did i? I took granted on people. As if they wont leave me.. Mcm joe. Nahh.. u girls not like that kn?? u wont leave me right farah??
I feel like i got a trust issue lately. I feel like people are leaving me so i shall not sharing too much, having too deep conversation. But im talkactive. I love to talk. That just me.. Anyway, that wasnt the point..
I miss joe. Like so much it hurts. Sometime i shed a tear and i feel stupid. I mean i told myself i wont cry unless there are death happen. But i did cry that day. It just one of those day. Where things just went wrong and i just need joe to be here. I dont have to tell him whats my problem is. I just want him there. Thats all. I know it is so selfish right? Maybe it was me after all..
You know i told myself not to depend on people so much after ashraf left. I told myself that eventhough joe and the girls were my best friend but somehow i shouldnt relay on them high. They got life. They have to deal with their problem too. They cant forever be there for me. One day, they will settle down. have a family and they cant always be there. Mcm joe. Kalo dia dah kahwin nnti, xpsl2 jadi punca keretakn rumahtangga org tau. Mcm mana kalo tetbe wife dia jealous. Eventhought we were close friend, but somehow it need some boundaries. And the girls, ble dorng dah ada new life, they cant be there. Their family need them the most and they more important.
So, somehow, i need to learn to be independent. I need to learn to relay on myself and stop hoping too much on people. Or maybe i could just find a new friend that somehow like me. I mean not like having the same problem as i am. Just maybe single if i was single that time. But of course i was single that time. If not i could relay on my husband kn? Jap, nie mcm dah merapu.
Okay, the thing is.. i dont know.. i cant think.. cant i just have joe here. I jumpa klon dia kot kat sini. For the first time ever, i xjumpa klon ay. Pelik. So, klon joe nie sama kuliah bio ngan i. Dia ble pndg sekilas tu nmpk mcm samalah. Kalo tgk betul2, xsgt2. But somehow i couldnt help but hoping it was joe. Whats wrong with me anyway? I fall deep did i.. Hmm.. why am i doing this to myself! This is frustrating. I shall stop.