just a thought

I never thought that a person close to me had the same issue as I was. maybe it was a bit different situation than I was but still it kinda same more or less.

I know that they planned to get married soon. However, due to some events that happen on both sides, they postponed it time and time again. But I think they decide at last to have the marriage somewhere next year. It's just something that happens all of a sudden. It is not like either of them meets someone along the way. Just one side felt he had enough and wanted to end it. 

I hope they figure it out somehow and I hope they make it through it all. I know the girl is very loyal and patiently waiting for him to come to his sense. It was bad enough that the boy side know this and tried to change his mind. But the girl side knows nothing at all. And the busyness will always be an excuse. 

I admire how strong she is in this. She decided that this is what she wants and she knows he is all she ever wanted. She chooses to stay and hold on and pray that one day he change his mind. One day he will realize that she is all he ever wanted. One day they are together again and make that dream happen.

I wasn't like that though. Not even close. I grew tired and fed up. It is taken a toll on my life which at one point made me feel like I slowly losing myself. Like I was here but disappear at the same time. My mental health was worsen every day and faking a smile seems too ordinary to do. I love him too much. I would do anything for him. I give it my all. I give my world to him. But I can't sail this ship alone. I can't sit around and hope and think if you will ever come again and then which version I would get now. I just can't do this anymore. That is why I left. Even though he is everything I ever wanted. I saw our future together and I dreamt it will happen one day. But I am done waiting and hoping. So I pack my bag and left a note. And that was the last time you hear from me. Up until that day, you called me and we talked. But that was a closure that we both need for us to move on and go on with our lives.

I told my friend that whatever her decision is, she should not feel regret. And if she can hold on, hold it tightly. Hold it until you just had enough. Let it all go once you are ready. It hurt. It hurts like hell. But like any storm, the sun will shine again. I don't know how long it takes, but you get there somehow. 

And I think somehow I did as well. Remember him was not that hurtful anymore. Yes, I miss him terribly. And I reminisce about the past once in a while. He is still there in the back of my mind and his name is forever lingering in my mouth. But that's just it. He was part of my memories. I was happier now. I was fine even though I never get the old me back. I was good. I was content and that's whats mattered.