Random talk

I cant lie that i do think of you some of the time. You just creep into my mind like a ghost. And when i do, i miss you. So bad that sometime i do feel hurt on my chest.  And sometime i do feel those butterfly things. But the real thing was that i miss you but the old you. The new one sucks. But it was good that you change to much better person now. I am happy for you. But i miss talking to you till late night, having a pick up fight, talking about those random things, about those hopes and dreams. Maybe it was truth that sometime we miss the memories not the person. I dont know what happen till we are so far apart. Maybe you change. Maybe i change. Maybe we both are. I try so hard to convince myself that it was just a part of figuring things out and everything will be okay later eventually. But who am i kidding. Even a blind man could smell something was just not meant to be. That somethings are just need to be accepted rather that seeking for the reason why. Sometimes a part of me do believe that we both are from different world. And how on earth we will ever be together. That i should just let it go and move on. But somehow theres are apart of me that believe things will get better in the future. That this is just a test how strong you are. That i should hold on coz somethings are worth waiting for. Or like famous Chuck Bass words, you dont give up on people you love. That is why i feel like i need sometime off. I cant handle with these two parts. It was so complicated and chaos. That is why i just feel like i need to care less and be heartless. Coz somehow life was better when you stop care too much. You see, i try to let it go and move on. But the moment i decide that, a part of me feel empty and i feel like half of me just die. Bcoz she never agree with this. But when i try to hold on, i feel happy. But there are always a doubt. And i feel like i shouldnt have a doubt feeling. Coz if i had, i wasnt sure. But somhow along the time, i did feel fine. Maybe bcoz of the care less thing. Or maybe i just forget about you long enough to forget why i needed to. Or maybe i stop miss you when it seems like you never miss me. I just stop care. And now i do not know what i feel anymore. And i didnt care. What i know is that i am happy. And thats all that matter. For now.

It just a random saying.. its been awhile since i last do this.. and it feel so good to just let it all out finally.. xoxo..