Yeah, i was dumb and ego. I knew what my heart want all this time but i ignore it, denial it.And now im blurt it all out to Mai when i really should keep it to myself like i promise to. but it was so hard. and now mai told me that we all could see it but im the one who blinded and deny it. and now i feels like im too little too late. am i still giving out those chance? coz it seems like i blow each one of it..
Just that day, he told if i wanted his heart and what did i tell him? i said i dont want coz his heart was so expensive even i couldnt bought it. what was i thinking? i could have just say yes you know..but i didnt.
I dont know when i was falling for him but im sure it was pretty long.. long enough till even i didnt remember it. But i did remember that day when i went out with ashraf but he was the only person that linger in my mind. I mean come on, i was going out with my boyfriend but some other guy was in my mind. what the hell.. and every word he said keep playing in my mind like a recorder.. those word he told me to not going back with ashraf.. i never get a chance to know why he say something like that. i think i did ask him but he ignore it.. and see he like that, i acted like i didnt care.
All this time i thought i was lonely and i just need someone and he always there after i had a bad breakup with ashraf that leads me to this unexplainable feeling. But actually, the truth is, this is what i feel all this time but i guess i just got caught up with other things that i didnt see it, didnt feel it.. and i just assume that all this is a mistake feeling since i didnt feel a thing when he with some other chick.. the truth is, i didnt care coz somehow i know he ended up with me. i think too far and i put too much hope. and im afraid if it all falls apart. but i just gonna pray for the best. if its meant to be, it will, and there is no escape from it somehow.
From the moment i met him, i just feel like i know him already.. like we know each other for a very long time. like we were connected. yeah, i was being silly now. but he gets me. he know when things just went wrong. and he being there for me for better or worse. and he love making me nuts with his silly arguments. we not having a lot of common but we got this obsess with vespa and rockstar wannabe. and we had this crazy idea about doing a group. blackpink rockstar. haha.. its funny. i know. but hey, that just us. we talked about random stuff, about our lives and shared the secrets. and when we together, i feel like we in someplace, alone. this is crazy and i should stop now but i dont want to.
I never underestimate him but i had a very wrong feelings towards him the first time i met him. i just assume he was same like any other guy i met. u see, we know each other because of i accidently give wrong number to my friend. and that wrong number was actually his, yeah, what a surprise. so, my friend dgn bijaknya pergi kasi my number kat dia. but yeah dia mmg bijak, i mean, if not, i would never know him. and im glad this things happen. i guess it was fate that lead us here.
Okay, kan dulu, kalo xkenal, nk mintak couple bagai kn.. but.. dia.. laen.. sgt laen.. yeah, he did text me like everybody and we did flirt but it just that. he never ask for it and that after a year, im with ashraf. but it was weird how we didnt met but we keep this friendship thing. its fate. definitely.
Then, we met. haha.. it was so awkward and we like didnt say anything. we so speechless and shy also i think. so we end up texting eventhough we like just in front of each other. funny. but i met his mom. she was a very nice lady and a very talkactive tapi senang nk borak. no awkwardness somehow. and then my mom met his mom. so, no more awkwardness. i mean my mom totally get it about me and him. hmm.. okay, xmau pkir pape. haha.. but yeah, these thing happen..
You know, he did say something to me a very long time ago but i just cant get it out of my mind somehow but i think he forget it. i assume it. well, he totally forget about it. he never good in memory somehow. haha.. but nevermind. u know, usually the guy ive been with , okay, boyfriend, they used to say like i want to marry you someday, you my future wife, blah blah blah.. whatever.. but he, was only my besfriend, just said, 'one day, after i graduate, i would ask my mom to go met ur parents and ask for their blessing.' and i was being stupid that time coz the only reaction i gave was.. okay.. what was i thinking? i really not good with these thing right? why am i acting so dummy around him? ughh! this so frustrating... but yeah, it was just a simple word that make me smile until today. it was surprise coz i never imagine he could say something like that. i wish he meant what he say. i was hoping it will happen one day. i wish he still remember somehow eventhough he was not good with memory. haha.. i was just hoping..
But even so, he did remember how the 'pentol' word that we use to call each other came from. and it was a surprise coz he still remember. it was basically ashraf who starting use this word but i end up asking him and till we both who still use it and call each other that name. it was like nama manja kot.. haha.. we so weird. but yeah, he was my pentol. always will be no matter what happen.
It was never awkward to tell random story with him. Caya x if i ckp kteorng pernah ckp pasal kahwin. Bukan yg mcm tadi tu.Ni yang.. wah.. beyond the future.He told me he wanted to get marry around 30+ lah. Lmbt wei.. penat eden menunggu nie karang. haha.. and i was like lmbt gila wei, 28 sudah. dia kata dia abg, biar adik2 kahwin dulu. nmpk x permainan dia? nk demand lah tu sbb smue langkah bendul. ish2.. jahat abg besar nie. motif sebenarnya nk sruh dia belanja kita tau tetbe ckp psal kahwin bagain.. ish2.. tapi xpe, he release my stress somehow. sbb i sgt tension sbb final and i just need somehow and yeah like always, he always there.. my pentol. :)
So, yeah, we been friends like 7 years now and i dont know what future ahead of me but i wish best thing gonna come and who know im gonna end up with him. well, lets all hoping for it to happen., shall we.. haha..
I know that this is a clique story that we use to see in the movie or in some books. a boy and a girl from friends to more than that. but i couldnt have it coz i am falling for my bestfriend already. even if i try to change my mind. somehow my heart always put him first. always. even if one day i end up with some other guy, i will always choose him before whoever he is. unless he become my husband, then it was a different story. but even so, i was hope we still keeping this friendship no matter who end up with. but somehow i was hoping we going to end up being together. yeah.. just hoping.. and dreaming.. there is no wrong in dreaming okay.. who knows it will come true.. who knows that..
