Im a bit down actually yesterday. Its rain heavily and i just dont care. My tears are starting to fall and i am so badly dont want anyone else to see it. So, see the weather is raining, i thought this is my chance. No one would know that i was crying coz it could be the water from the rain right? But still i was wrong.
Coz as soon as i was inside the car, i cant stop crying. I try to hold on. But i couldnt. I felt like i was disappoint my parents. I felt like i crash their hope. So, i end up nangis tersedu-sedu. And i was cry in front of my mom. Something that i rare doing it coz i hate crying in front of people. It make me feel weak. It show me hopeless. But i guess yesterday was exception.
The day before, i had a fight with my parents. Not really huge fight but still.. i hurt them. I was so wrong coz yesterday, they bring me up again. They try to cheer me up. And keep saying that everything going to fine and okay eventhough i know it wont, at least. For the first time, i heard my dad say 'i had a faith in you'. Thats surprise me coz my dad never say something like that to me. He usual say 'you can do it. try your best'. And when he said that, i feel joy and happy. And my mom was like offering me a hug which i refuse coz i know i will cry really bad again.
So, thanks you guys for the support and motivate me to bring me back up again. I really2 appreciate it. I love you so much. Even words are to hard explain it. Im sorry for hurting you guys and didnt mean what isay.I really2 sorry for everything i did. I know ive been disapointed you guys a lot. But insyallah in the future, i will try not to and less hurting you guys. More love and more making you happy. Love ya.. Muahx...