Hati kering

Is it weird if i say i cant see myself spending my whole life with someone. I used to be so good in this. Like i could imagine myself with my crush or whatsoever. But now, not that i didnt have crush anymore, i just cant simply imagine be with someone. I cant imagine texting with someone everyday and almost everytime. What are we going to talk? Asking the same thing over and over again like what r u doing right now, have u eat or u didnt go out anywhere. I felt bored already typing this.

Am i being too picky lately or the fact that hati i kering. Almost nk kontang nie wlaupun hujan almost everyday. What is wrong with me?

So last 2 weeks i think, my cousin who the same age as i am, got married. Im happy for her. I do. It just that, i know she got married quite young, same age as i am, tpi xperlu lh kan nk tnye giliran i ble. I baru 20 kot, i got lots of things to do before i end my freedom. Im still young, wild and free. And i wanted to make my parents proud of me. I nk pegang ijazah degree i and maybe insyallah, my master lak. Cousin i tu laen lah dia mmg xnk smbung belajar, terus keje. Dia tu pun kira langkah bendul sbb abg dia xkahwin lagi. N lagi satu dri dok tnye i ble lagi, cbe tnye yg lebih tua dri i tu ble lgi nk kahwin. Or should i just say, yg kau tu ble nk mampus? Huh! Serious kot. Masa aunty i tnye tu,i senyum je. Tpi dlm hati, rasa2 byk dh pahala i sedekah kt dia. Menguji kesabaran aku betul. Beside, i want to have a back up plan bcoz if my future husband messed up, at least i could stand still on my own feet. Someone pernah mention, if u not ready to share or xnk dikongkong oleh bf.gf, u not ready for serious relationshio. And im not. You tau jelh i ble bab mengongkong nie. Anti okay. Like kau sapa? Parents aku pun chill je.

But after awhile, of course, i cool down and think that i dont mind, really, if i end up like my ucu or any of my high school teachers. They had a luxurious life. Yeah, mmg nmpk mcm i mengejar harta dunia.. tpi..half truth. Maigod, hati i mmg kering. I know that there will be a time where i feel quite lonely and 'what if' thoughts appear. But hey, i think i will be happy, free, confused and lonely in the best way.

Or maybe i just came to a point that im tired and i dont give a f*** about all of this. And last2 i serahkan smue pada takdir Allah. I mmg yakin Allah dh tetapkan setiap orang ada pasangan masing2 cme masa and how it happen that was a secret. And i tau orng ckp mmg serah pada takdir tpi kene usaha gak. Nk usaha apanya. I dh tahap redha dh. Ada jodoh ada, xde xkemana. Mcm pelik je ayat aku nie. Tpi kalo ada pun, xsempat kot.

As for now, i know i change a lot since i and joe breakup. Dia mmg memberi impak besar dowh. And im not asking to meet someone like joe but emm.. slightly like him wont hurt right. I mean i just nk someone yg i bley shared any interest with apart from the dark thoughts or whatsover. Okay, picky!

But whatever it is, time will come when i meet the right person for me. If it meant to be, it meant to be kan? Just not now.

Tiil again.

PS: Sorry for the language. Lately nie perangai mcm dh kurang ajar je sket sbb tu ayat nmpk sgt 'manis' je. Huehuehue.