A closure

Everyone needs a closure somehow in their life in order to move on. Even movies and books pun ada closure dia gak. Wlaupun mostly it was a happy ending. The guy got the girl, the evil one insaf jdi baik or watak jahat mati ke. It was like so cliche gle. Xspecially kalo ada waktu jahat yg dengki bagai. I xske cte mcm nie kot. I nk dia annoying je. Xde lah smpai upah orng bunuh lah apelah.. Heavy sgt. Sbb tu i lebih ske layan cte2 english nie. Bkn nk memperlekeh kn cte melayu ke ape. I lyn gak cte melayu cme yg lawak2 jelah. My fav istanbul aku datang. I xtau npe i ley tgk cte nie byk kali without bosan smpai i dh hafal lah gak script dia. N kalo buku melayu lak. Lately nie byk betul cte psl kahwin muda lah, kahwin paksa lah, fitnah lah, bleh bleh bleh.. Bosan ley x. Mcm xde idea laen. N i still baca buku melayu gak. Ada je kt rak buku i tu cme.. bley kira guna cari je kot. Haha.. Tpi i skelah baca buku fixi n nurul syahidah nyer. Ayat dia selamba n santai je baca. Not easily predict and all that. So, i still layan gak buku bm nie nk lak 3 drpd 4 paper i bhasa melayu. Math, flora marine n fizik. Kau rasa xpening kepala aku dibuatnya. So sekrng nie i sgt skeptical. Like ble i nmpk bdk baru drjh 1 or 2 or sklh tadika speaking. I was like, kau tunggulah. Kau masuk sklh menengah nnti or u nnti lbih2 lgi ukm, kau rasa lah sshnya nk biasakn diri dgn term2 yg kita dh phm english dia.

Tpi nie bkn psl closure movie or buku. This is my closure to one of chapter in my life. In order for me to start a new chapter. Without this particular character in it.

Okay as u may see, i delete post sebelum nie. I was too happy so i ckp merapu. I didnt meant any of it. Well half of it. U see, it was not bcoz perangai i yg drama queen or paranoid nie, it was bcoz i just cant face the fact that i lost joe. I lost my bestfriend. N bkn sbb i ada feeling kt dia or whatsoever. It was the truth. I already lost him and as if i was just the girl he used to know.

Ape u rasa kalo orng yg slalu borak. N slalu ada buat u ketawa. Yg u shared ur hopes and dream n dark secret. Yg u close gila like dh lama u guys kawan. N ari2 borak mcm2. Yg fhm u. Then one day, everything just gone mcm bnde nie smue xpernah berlaku. Mcm all this time it just a dream. That person never exist. This friendship wasnt exist. How would u feel?

I ingt lepas i wish dia bday dia aritu, maybe ati dia terbuka n dia berubah. I guess i was wrong. I xckp ape pun. I just ckp yg i phm dua2 busy. Just i hrp dia xlpekn i n friendship kteorng. Tu je. N dia say sorry sbb dia lama menyepi. N he gave me his number so i can whatsapp dia. Yg buat i terasa sgt is that dia ada nombor baru n dia xtfkir pun nk bgitau i. N i saw he hesitate masa nk kasi nombor dia tu. But of course my heart just wont listen to me and the brain. So i whatsapp him kt nombor baru dia tu. N dia xblas. Smpai sekrng. Hmm.. I get use to it. So no hard feeling i guess..

It just that it get to my thought. Ape yg farah ckp tu smue betul. I should stop. I should move on. I should just stop. I should. But of course. Me just being me. Stubborn. But i realize now. Im done. With this waiting and all that. It was hard. I know. After all, dua hidup yg dh sebati, bkn semudah itu untuk dileraikan. But im gonna try. And heart please do listen to me this time around. At least listen to the brain.

But it also get to my thought. Am i easy to forget? or Are this friendship meant nothing to him? It was like those 8years mcm xde pape. Mcm kita just kwn for 8 months or 8 days. Or to make it worst 8 seconds?! N now we just like strangers with memories. N you just somebody i used to know..

N to be honest i xbwat poem2 tu smue tok joe. I did it bcoz i used to love writing poems and all that. I wanna find my dear old self. N farah please keep it that peom yg kita pernah bwat dlu2. That i meant it. If you read this, please take a note will ya. Haha.. N i came to realize that the worst part of it all, wasnt losing him. It was losing me.

For now, yg i tau i nk mintak tlong angah antr kn baju yg joe kirim tu cepat2. I want to get rid that shirt asap. N i cant believe i say this, but i think it was time for me to block him for my life. Well, at least for now. Dlu pun pernah buat kt ashraf. Ble2 nnti i unblock balik... kot.. we see.. it just something i had to do in order to move on. For now.

So i guess this is a closure for me and joe. Being ignore by a guy i called a friend. Yes i fall for him. Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe not. I am not blaming the feeling. Things happen. We known each other accidentally and be apart maybe bcoz of the time flew by or we change to new person somehow. We used to be so close and understood each other. But i guess things were different now. And i was done. I guess. Of everything..

Makin bwah mcm emo lah pulak kan.. So i guess i should stop. I will write excited things lepas nie.. Insyallah.. Anyway, xoxo.. :)