I know i say the last time was the last time. But i couldnt help it you know. It feel strange and empty when i didnt talk about him anymore. Beside, this has nothing to do with unstable emotion. I just feel like wanna write about him. Yeah, i miss him.. a lot you know... i did wish he was around but i know things just didnt work out between us even if we try coz we did try but somehow we gave up. But yeah, this was the last time. Insyallah. I hope. I mean, i wont post it until i finish what i wanna write about it. I dont want to have it half way this time around.. So, here we goes..
The old me. She wasnt a very good girl back then. I was so social. Trust me. I flirt like crazy and i change guy like they were cloth. I mean, i couple ngan dorng a few days je and sometime ckp ye tapi cara i mcm xje. I was that bitch. haha.. but then i met you. i dont know why i acted so different around you. I didnt flirt that much. and i gave my number not that fake number. i just acted.. biasa.. even you dpt no i pun lmbt kan..
Then, xlama pastu u text i.. but i xlayan u sgt. i xtau nape. i ley je kn fooling around but i didnt. i xlayan dan harap u get that message. But still you gave me those morning n night text. But i still didnt fall for you. sorry. The main reason i accept you was that.. revenge.. coz i didnt get that guy that i like so i use you to make he feel jealous. to be honest, i planned to leave you after a month or two. u perasan kn i byk buat hal. i mengamuk lah, pick up a fight over the smallest thing, accuse u lah. well, do mostly girl shouldnt do. but you mcm xkisah. it was like u accept my flawless. but at the end, after 2 month which i should leave u as plan but i didnt, coz i finally falling for you. how? i pun xtau. tetbe je, for the first time, i admit to people that i got a bf and i say those 3 words to u. And trust me i never see you that happy. I feel happy.
And you pun ley nmpk, how i change. a lot. i didnt do those mean thing to you. wlaupun yeah i admit sometime mood i mmg xstable and u slalu jadi punching bag i. but you pham. and thats why i love you. a lot of things had change since i met you and thanks for that coz i never thought i could change to a better person. thank you. for making me realize.
you different from anyone that i met. i xpernah sangka i akan in love ngan b-boy. budak yg pkai baju besar2, sluar londeh2, breakdance and graffiti as a hobby. u ada crew lak tu. but i guess tu yg buat i tertarik kat u kot. u different. just like so different. i learn lot of things from u too. yelah, dulu i nie layan lagu mat saleh je. apa barang dgr lagu melayu. haha.. jiwang ley x.. but since you introduce me to indie song, i fall for it. in fact i still dgr. then i minat jugak lah breakdance tu. tgk showdown lagi tu tau. u lah ajar. tapi i still alergic ngan shuffle. tapi kalo adam g. savani buat xpe. i mean it.
im sorry i pernah sakit kn ati u all this time we together. i know i wasnt that understanding good gf to u. u deserve someone better. but i glad i met you. coz somehow i xpernah sangka i akan jumpa orng yg akan ubah i mcm nie, make me feel like this. and dont u worry, i dah lama maafkn u. 0-0 kan? and im glad kita still kawan sekrng eventhough xlah rapat mana. but i was glad that somehow we keep in touch and let the past and feeling behind.
sometime i miss you like crazy and wishing things differently. sometime i shed a tear coz i feel sad seeing things just like burn like that. but when my conscience came, i realize that things happen for a reason. ada hikmah sebaliknya. maybe we just tempat persinggahan je. u not my other half. and i accept that.
it wasnt that easy u know, letting u go and things we had, coz it just so good. but i guess we had enough. tapi xpe. i accept the fact and alhamdulilah, finally moving on even if there are still a post about u. or maybe thinking about starting it all over just so damn hard. why cant i have u only. why cant you be the one for me. but i guess it was fate. we just not meant for each other.
Ashraf, i would never find a guy like you. Who understand my ups and down. Who know when things wasnt right even if i say everythings fine. Thanks for accept me who i am and thank for always been there. Eventhough things wasnt last but thanks for those amazing 3 years i had with you. You might not be my other half but you are my first love and i always going to remember you. So darling, I pray you the best and may Allah ease u in everything you do in ur life and meet someone that make you happy and smile all over again. Insyallah. :)
and yeah.. loving him was red..
