So, joe whatsapp me sbb i lpe convo dia. I was but he should remind me. I mean, i mmg ingt dah lepas kot. Then, he was like smpai i kene pujuk dia. Ngada2 kan? Saje jelah tu nk manja ngan kita. Haha.. So, yeah, i pujuk sbb dah kene ungkit. And yeah i told him that he should remind me and he was like xperlu. I dah update status. Yeah, i sejak balik rumah nie. Pegang fon pun dah jarang sbb tangan asyik pegang remote tv je. Pastu jari lak dah jarang menaip. Asyik tekan butang tukar channel je. Haha.. Tgk, begitu rindunya i dgn tv tu. LOL.
Pastu entah mcm mana isu gf muncul. Yg i ingt dia ckp dia mne ada gf. And i was like, byk skandal jelah. Yelah mcm i kn. Yeah. I still that habit. The thing is i dont feel they were right for me but telling them mcm ckp ngan dinding. dinding pun ada kasi gak respond. So,i just like playing along. Okay, back to the story. He told me skandal xde, kawan je bersepah. And i pun like yeah, i was one of them. Masa tu mmg xharap dia ckp ape2 sbb really, we are friend. But he feel different way. He told me i was different. That i was special. Kenal pun dah lama. Yelah, 7tahun kot. Mana tau kot2 ada jodoh. Gurau je. And i was shocked but i got this wide smile. Haha.. So, i reply, ada, adalah. Insyallah. And he was yeah, insyallah.
But somehow it didnt stop there. We talk almost everything. About the future. About us. About him. About me. And somehow, it feel right. It feel fit. I never had this kind so deep conversation. Not with my bestguy friend. Ashraf was different. I mean we did talk but not this deep. It wasnt because i like him that make me saying thing like this. It just the fact that it was so deep that i feel like there are no oxygen for me to breath.
Somehow i am a party bummer. And it wasnt i was feeling insecure. But i had doubt on myself, on fate. I was happy at first. Lie. I was in cloud 9. But then slowly it sweep away. I was overthinking and there are so many what if. Just like how he doubt on himself. But he shouldnt be coz i never underestimate him and i accept him for who he really is. Like i say, he wasnt the good guy when i first met him and i dont know why i stay. But i stay and i never regret it coz it was the best damn thing that ever happen to me. And there so many things i want to say to him but im afraid if i was to open coz it was suppose to be a secret and going to be reveal on matter of time. or maybe it is the time.
I dont know. But nothing official. I mean we are still friend. We still like we use to. We know its not the right time. We still trying to figure things out. And somehow i didnt mind. I mean, if it was to be, it meant to be and im going to wait for it, for him. Im just going to go with the flow like i use to..and follow heart of mine.
It feel so weird semlm coz there are so much word. And for the first time he use saya, awak. Slalunya kitaorng guna i,u or kita, awak. But mostly i and u lah. Kita nd awak tu slalu nk bermanja. Haha.. Its evern funnier sbb dulu i nk guna saya awak ngan someone. And maybe i did find one already.
Dulu kan.. wheni was wish sharif then we broke up, i nk cari guy yg bley buat i lpe kat sharif. And it lead me to ay. The we had fight and i change. I nk cari guy yg ley ubah i buat i nangis. Sbb i was a heartbreaker and i didnt cry for a guy anymore. Then, i met ashraf. And as all of u know. He change me, A lot. And i shed tear when he left. So, i nk cari guy yg i ley guna saya,awak and bley buat i move on from ashraf. And joe who did it. Sbb on the day i went out with ashraf, joe was all in my mind. I xtau nape. Bile i try to lpe, my heart keep telling me ashraf want the one, he would left me and i ket saying, kau bukan miliku. And then joe creep back into my mind again. And thats when i realize i was in love with him. I always do. But somehow i still confuse and doubt. So, i nk cari guy yg buat i xconfuse ngan feeling i. And i didnt find yet. So, i pray so that i got pertunjuk.
But whatever it is, if it meant, it meant to be. Insyallah.
